Donald Trump Jr. Plans To Invoke Attorney-Dumbfuck Privilege At Every Future Russia Hearing

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NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Yesterday, Donald Trump Jr., the president’s son spent hours getting interviewed by the House Intelligence Committee about his actions during and after last year’s election. Donald Trump Jr. has been one of the key, central figures in determining just how much, if any, collusion existed between his father’s campaign and Russian representatives.

Mr. Trump has been under intense scrutiny for a meeting in the summer of last year in Trump Tower. Initially, Donald Jr. said the meeting was only about adoption laws. However, that narrative quickly unraveled when The New York Times published an article that showed emails between Mr. Trump and a Russian lawyer in which “dirt” on Hillary Clinton was promised. The Times also broke a story about Donald Jr.’s direct message conversations on Twitter with WikiLeaks.

During yesterday’s testimony, the president’s son baffled Democratic lawmakers when he invoked client-attorney privilege in order to avoid answering questions about conversations he had with with father, President Donald Trump. The junior Trump implied he could invoke the privilege because an attorney was present in the room with he and his father. Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA), himself an attorney, told reporters about Trump Jr. invoking client-attorney privilege after the hearing. Schiff doesn’t believe the legal privilege to privacy between a client and an attorney extends to conversations between a father and son.

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This morning, Donald Trump Jr., perhaps in an effort to clear up some confusion and avoid further legal hot water, tweeted that he’d changed his mind and will be instead invoking a different legal privilege at any future congressional hearings, either in the House or Senate.

“I’m hearing that it’s possible my use of attorney-client privilege isn’t protected after all,” Trump tweeted. “So I am going to invoke attorney-dumbfuck privilege instead.”

Legal scholars say that attorney-dumbfuck privilege is rarely used in court, but its intent is to shield people the law considers “complete and total, bumbling fuckwit morons and dumbfucks from having to overly embarrass themselves in front of people with IQs above their shoe sizes with progressively more outlandish and ridiculous answers,” according to the Harvard Law primer on basic constitutional theory.

“The emails and direct messages that are public record are more than enough circumstantial evidence to show that at the very least Mr. Trump Jr. was interested in colluding with a hostile foreign government, and the fact that he still denies it pretty much does make him a dumbfuck,” Henrietta Miller, a professor of law at Cornell told us. “So yeah, attorney-dumbfuck, as rare as it is, would certainly apply here.”

Eric Trump, the middle of the president’s sons, was reportedly confused when he heard the news because “Dumbfuck” was the nickname his father gave him.

“Me not get it,” Eric reportedly told his brother, “Why come you say my name, Don-Don?”

According to sources familiar with the situation, Donald Trump Jr. gave his brother Eric a KitKat bar, a pat on the head, and sent him on his way.

This story is developing.

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