If it’s true what they say, that you can’t judge a book by its cover, it must also be said that you can’t judge a corporate mascot by their outward facing public image. At least, we can say that now that we know Chester Cheetah’s real identity.
For decades, Americans have recognized the anthropomorphized jungle cat as the spokesperson for Cheetos, a snack food dusted in orange cheese dust. At least, that’s what Cheetos, and Cheetah himself, represented to the public. However, it would appear that there was much more to Cheetos than chemically-engineered tastiness.
In a new bombshell report from KPBC News, reporter Daron Barren revealed that the George W. Bush administration cut a deal with Cheetah, whose real name is Charles Badkitty, that drastically altered the amount of cocaine and heroin entering the United States. in exchange for a permanent supply of cocaine and heroin, Badkitty was granted lifetime immunity for his crimes. In follow-up reporting, Barren was able to confirm that the heroin and cocaine Badkitty helped Bush’s administration smuggle into the country largely ended up at parties hosted by a young Matt Gaetz, who would then use the coke to pay girls to sleep with him, before he had access to VenMo and campaign donations to do so.
Legal experts we spoke to said that it’s hard to imagine the Department of Justice honoring the deal today. Others said that the Bush administration very likely broke the law in making their deal with Badkitty. However, given that the Supreme Court just gave Republican presidents their own legal immunity, it’s unclear if any charges can, or will, be filed.
In a statement released by his legal team, Badkitty denied any wrongdoing.
“I hereby deny, publicly, any wrongdoing. Technically, what I did was wrong, but when you do something with the full legal blessing of the president, it’s not illegal,” Badkitty wrote. “I am certain that I will prevail in court, and you will once again see me on top. But for now, say goodby to the Badkitty.”
This story first appeared in Into the Garbage Chute’s second season episode: “Deluxe Chili Cheese Fries.”
