Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Jesus Christ Has ‘Had It Up to Here’ With People Using His Name to Hurt LGBT People

Jesus Christ is really getting tired of the Religious Right's shenanigans.

Marco Rubio: “My Economic Plan is Called ‘Do As I Say, Not As I do'”

Marco Rubio's embarrassing New York Times article may have given birth to his economic vision.

Franklin Graham ‘Bummed’ To Find Out His Mattress is Pro-LGBT Too

Even Franklin Graham's mattress has turned on him!

Fox Hosts Remind Viewers Not Every Holocaust, Rape Victim Victim ‘Was a Saint’

Fox News Hosts Remind Viewers Not Every Holocaust Victim 'Was a Saint'

John Boehner: SCOTUS Should Do ‘The Right Thing and Kick Cancer Patients Off Their Insurance Over Semantics’

Rep. John Boehner says that Obamacare should be gutted by the Supreme Court because it's "the right thing."

Pope Francis: ‘Dick Santorum Should Leave Christianity to the Christians’

Pope Francis fires a salvo at Rick Santorum in the latest episode of their feud over climate change,

Scott Walker Explains Support for Banning Same-Sex Marriage: ‘I’m a Dick’

Scott Walker believes in nullification for the sake of oppressing all those uppity gays. His reasoning may surprise you.

Obama Gun Confiscation Count: Week #410

How many of YOUR guns did Obama take away this week?

Paul Ryan: May Jobs Report With 280k New Jobs Proves ‘Obamunism’ Doesn’t Work

The May jobs report from the Department of Labor shows 280k new jobs were created, prompting Paul Ryan to condemn "Obamunism."

Ted Cruz Apologizes for Joe Biden Joke; Still ‘Totally Cool’ With Past Douchiness

Ted Cruz further responds to criticism about his ill-timed joke at Vice-President Biden's expense.