Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Reince Priebus Holds Seance to Contact Reagan’s Ghost to Write GOP Debate Questions

The internal Republican struggle over questions and format has caused their chairman to seek special consult for the next GOP Debate.

Tons of Morons Have Wasted $10 Million Donating To Another Moron’s Presidential Campaign

Ben Carson's campaign has been raking in the donations, and thanks in no small part to special sub-set of Republican voters

Paul Ryan Takes Break From His Kid’s Afternoon Soccer Game To Explain Why Paid Family Leave is Wrong

Is Paul Ryan a hypocrite or just a plain ol' Republican for insisting on his own family time but not caring enough to ensure regular Americans get theirs?

RNC Hires Top Engineers to Extend Conservative Media Bubble Across Entire Country

As a result of the CNBC Republican debate, engineers have been hired to help further sequester GOP voters from reality.

Ted Cruz Up All Night Working on List of Debate Questions He’ll Answer

Ted Cruz only wants to answer questions he likes and not any hard ones, you know, to be presidential.

GoFundMe Established to ‘Pay Bristol Palin to STFU Forever and Ever’

There's a new crowdfunded project to entice Bristol Palin to stop having opinions about, well, anything.

Conservatives Fume: Obama Supports Idea That People Mostly Use Bathrooms to Piss and S***

CLARKBERG, VIRGINA -- Gavin Grimm is a sixteen year old transgender teenager...

Carly Fiorina Says Knocking Out Ivan Drago Was ‘Biggest Highlight’ of Her Life

On the campaign trail in Iowa, Carly Fiorina tells a fascinating story of pugilism.

People Who Would Have to Make Tough Decisions as POTUS Bummed About Tough Debate Questions

The Republican candidates were not pleased with the questions they got in the last GOP debate.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #352

Obama's gun confiscation program rolls along another week.