Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Ted Cruz Up All Night Working on List of Debate Questions He’ll Answer

Ted Cruz only wants to answer questions he likes and not any hard ones, you know, to be presidential.

GoFundMe Established to ‘Pay Bristol Palin to STFU Forever and Ever’

There's a new crowdfunded project to entice Bristol Palin to stop having opinions about, well, anything.

Conservatives Fume: Obama Supports Idea That People Mostly Use Bathrooms to Piss and S***

CLARKBERG, VIRGINA -- Gavin Grimm is a sixteen year old transgender teenager...

Carly Fiorina Says Knocking Out Ivan Drago Was ‘Biggest Highlight’ of Her Life

On the campaign trail in Iowa, Carly Fiorina tells a fascinating story of pugilism.

People Who Would Have to Make Tough Decisions as POTUS Bummed About Tough Debate Questions

The Republican candidates were not pleased with the questions they got in the last GOP debate.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #352

Obama's gun confiscation program rolls along another week.

Sad Libertarian Can’t Figure Out Why His Bottom Polling Candidate Didn’t Get More Debate Time

One libertarian can't figure out why bottom-placing Rand Paul isn't getting more screen time at the debates.

Priebus Peeved Town Turd Polisher Didn’t Polish His Turds Enough

Reince Priebus has not had a good week between the CNBC debate and a batch of turds not being shined to his liking.

Politifact Fact Needle Permanently Damaged After CNBC GOP Debate

The CNBC GOP Debate has had a disastrous effect on Politifact's ratings needle.

We Put a Gun To These 5 People’s Heads and Asked Them About Gun Control

Five people weigh in on gun control while personally interacting with a gun.