Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Out of Gravy, Carly Fiorina Uses Blood of Planned Parenthood Victims For Thanksgiving Leftovers

When she found herself without gravy, Carly Fiorina conveniently found something else to smother her leftovers in.

Ted Cruz Shouts ‘Fu*k Reality!’ as He Implies Colorado Springs Shooter is a Liberal

Ted Cruz has some interesting thoughts as to the motives of the man who carried out the Planned Parenthood shooting.

Ben Carson: I Would Have Had the Fetuses Help Me Overtake Colorado Springs Shooter

Ben Carson says he would have overtaken the Colorado Springs Shooter with a little help from his unborn friends.

Daesh: We Are ‘Hella Impressed’ With The Gun Lobby’s ‘Soft Terrorism’

After the Colorado Springs shooting at a Planned Parenthood, Daesh released a statement commending America's gun lobby.

Local Republican ‘Tremendously Upset’ Colorado Planned Parenthood Shooter Not Muslim

The Colorado Planned Parenthood shooter is a white, middle-aged man, and presumably Christian and conservative, which has really upset one Christian conservative in particular.

David Daleiden Having Hard Time Washing Blood of Colorado Springs Off His Hands

David Daleiden says in the wake of the Colorado Springs shooting, he can't seem to wash all the blood off his hands.

Moderate Muslim: Where Are All The Moderate White Christians Denouncing Planned Parenthood Shooting?

One Muslim resident of Colorado is wondering when all white Christians will denounce the perpetrator of the Planned Parenthood Shooting.

Ben Carson Compares Cleaning Up After Thanksgiving to Slavery

Ben Carson got out of helping his wife clean up after Thanksgiving dinner with a very common (for him) argument.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #355

Did Obama's Gun Confiscation claim your favorite firearm this week?

Guy Spending 30 Years in Jail For Selling Pot ‘Really Happy For’ Presidential Pardoned Turkey

President Obama has once again performed the Presidential Pardoned Turkey ceremony, and one human inmate is really happy for the gobbler.