Totally Bulls*it News

Can I File an Extension If I’m Not Ready to Control My Wife By January 20th?

I don't really want to go to jail because I couldn't figure out how to wrangle my wife's genitals into their holding pen before...

Atheist Nevada Judge Orders Foster Child Removed from Mormon Family Home

Judge Scott Johansen in Utah has decided to remove a foster child from an LGBT couple's home, and one Nevada judge has a response.

Matt Drudge Thinks Hillary Clinton Wears a Wig, Has Peg Leg, Is a Pirate

Matt Drudge has some new, interesting theories about Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Presdient Ben Carson Would Tap Herman Cain For Ambassador to Uzbekibekistanstan

If Ben Carson were to be elected next year, he already has someone in mind for a key State Department position.

Dick Cheney Pissed His Baby Form Not Subject of Republican Infanticide Fantasies

Adult Dick Cheney wonders if you can fantasize about killing Baby Hitler, why you can't fantasize about killing Baby Dick Cheney.

God to Ted Cruz: I Don’t Give a F**K About Your President’s Religion

God is not too happy about Ted Cruz and his thoughts on atheists in the White House.

Scientists Estimate 95% Probability of Lies If Ben Carson’s Speaking

The world's leading scientific minds set out to quantify the chances of a lie coming out of Ben Carson's mouth.

Town Philosopher Has Philosophy About Politicians: They Don’t Know Shit

Was Marco Rubio right about philosophy majors? One woman doesn't think so.

Cruz Makes Sesame Street Campaign Stop to Get Refresher On Counting to 5

After his Rick Perry-esque adventure in miscounting, Ted Cruz made an unscheduled, emergency campaign stop.

Rush Limbaugh ‘Mad as Hell’ About Obama’s Facebook Page

Obama's Facebook Page has Rush Limbaugh seething.

4 More Productive Things to Do With Your Life Instead of Watching the GOP Debate

Here are four things you can do with your life that are better than watching the GOP Debate.