Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Carly Fiorina Presents Planned Parenthood Shooter With Baby Warrior Medal of Honor

Carly Fiorina presents Robert Lewis Dear, the Planned Parenthood shooter, with a medal of honor.

Trump Explains Why Freedom of Religion Only Applies to Christians

Constitutional scholar Donald Trump tells a crowd why one of the Constitution's most important protections doesn't apply to Muslims.

FDA Rushing Approval of Antidote to American Islamaphobia

American Islamaphobia has gotten so rampant that the FDA is working hard to get a cure for it to market.

Actual Pile of Human Excrement Offers to Be 2016 GOP Nominee

Can a new underdog emerge and challenge Donald Trump for the GOP nomination?

President-Elect Donald Trump Wants Muslim Immigrants ‘Freshly Showered’ Upon Arrival

Donald Trump wants Islamic immigrants to be clean. REALLY clean.

Trump Adviser Explains Why Muslims ‘Need Their Own Air Supply’

Trump has an idea for national security -- give Muslims their own, special oxygen supply barracks.

Adolf Hitler Tired of Being Compared to Donald Trump

Adolf Hitler thinks Donald Trump is a poser, and he wants him to stop biting his "fascistic style."

Man Who Can’t Find Woman Willing To Sleep With Him Gives Opinions on Abortion Anyway

This guy can't get laid to save his life, but once he does he has a no abortion option for any woman who takes a chance on him.

House Hunting American Muslim Family ‘Thrilled’ With Hidden Annex They’ve Found

One American Muslim family has found what they think is their next home.

State Republican Hires Criminal to Advise Which Gun Laws He WOULD Obey

One Republican has a new idea for determining which -- if any -- gun laws he'll support.