Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

President-Elect Donald Trump Wants Muslim Immigrants ‘Freshly Showered’ Upon Arrival

Donald Trump wants Islamic immigrants to be clean. REALLY clean.

Trump Adviser Explains Why Muslims ‘Need Their Own Air Supply’

Trump has an idea for national security -- give Muslims their own, special oxygen supply barracks.

Adolf Hitler Tired of Being Compared to Donald Trump

Adolf Hitler thinks Donald Trump is a poser, and he wants him to stop biting his "fascistic style."

Man Who Can’t Find Woman Willing To Sleep With Him Gives Opinions on Abortion Anyway

This guy can't get laid to save his life, but once he does he has a no abortion option for any woman who takes a chance on him.

House Hunting American Muslim Family ‘Thrilled’ With Hidden Annex They’ve Found

One American Muslim family has found what they think is their next home.

State Republican Hires Criminal to Advise Which Gun Laws He WOULD Obey

One Republican has a new idea for determining which -- if any -- gun laws he'll support.

Local Libertarian: Child Porn Should Be Legal Because Criminals Don’t Follow Laws

One libertarian's view of child pornography through the prism of government overreach.

Wayne LaPierre: My Bank Account Needs You to Protect It With Guns

Wayne LaPierre's bank account is vulnerable, and only you guns can protect it!

Refugee Happy He Fled Syrian War Zone to Live in American War Zone

The ubiquity of guns in the U.S. has one Syrian refugee feeling quite at home.

Conservative Gun Lover Can’t Figure Out Why Gasoline Didn’t Put Out His House Fire

One gun lover's harrowing ordeal trying to extinguish the flames engulfing his home.