Totally Bulls*it News

Putin Expresses Concern About Incoming American Dictatorship

Moscovia, Kievan Rus’ — Following Donald Trump’s inauguration, Vladimir Putin, pictured above shitting his pants at the mention of President Zelenskyy, today called a surprise...

Syrian Child Hopes U.S. Carpet Bombs Match His Drapes

One Syrian child hopes the U.S. delivers nice carpet if they start bombing within his home country.

Muslim Colorado Springs Resident Proposes Monitoring Christian Churches

One Muslim man in Colorado wants to start monitoring Christian churches if conservatives are going to start monitoring Mosques.

Marco Rubio: I Would Bomb More Children Than Cruz

Marco Rubio tells a rally crowd he'd bomb way more kids than Ted Cruz.

Ted Cruz Proposes ‘Separate But Equal’ Muslim-Only Constitution

Ted Cruz wants a new Constitution for Muslims only.

President-Elect Donald Trump Vows to Change ISIS’s Wi-Fi Password

Donald Trump has a simple solution to the problem of radical Islamic terrorism, specifically the group known as Daesh.

Daesh Takes Credit for War on Christmas

Terrorist group Daesh has taken responsibility for all victories in the "War on Christmas."

Man Rushed to Hospital With Third Degree Burns After Trump Book Burning

A man badly burned at a Trump rally is in "stable but still derpy" condition.

Another Republican Debate Drinking Game

This Republican Debate Drinking Game is like none other, we promise you that.

Marco Rubio Vows to Lead America Into the 19th Century

Marco Rubio wants to remind Americans he can lead them to a better yesterday.

CNN Constructs Silo to Store GOP Debate Bullshit

Ahead of tomorrow night's GOP Debate, CNN has taken big steps to prevent toxic bullshit seepage.