Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Leaked Script from ‘Thelma & Louise 2’ Staring Donald Trump and Vladmir Putin

Donald Trump and Vlad Putin are so cozy, they plan to make a movie together.

Muslim State Senator Wants All Christian Churches Monitored 24/7

Could new legislation in New York make Christian churches in the states targets of special scrutiny?

Fat Albert Officially Files for Emancipation from Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby has a warrant out for his arrest, and one of his Cosby kids wants nothing to do with him anymore.

Pataki Quits Race, Calls Trump ‘Obnoxious Bewigged Fuckface’ and Challenges Him to Fistfight

On his way out of the 2016 Republican primary, George Pataki says he wants a piece of Donald Trump.

The Political Garbage Chute’s Do’s and Don’ts For Raping Daesh Soldiers

In response to the terrorist group's fatwa on the proper care and handling of rape victims, TPGC has put together its own guide to raping Daesh terrorists.

Company Develops ‘Cop-Proof’ Mask for ‘Urban’ Americans

One New England company has a product designed to keep urban Americans safe from police shootings.

White House: Obama Worried ‘Not Enough Time Left’ To Confiscate All Guns

Just how long until Obama can give his order to confiscate all guns in America?

Strapped for Campaign Cash, Rand Paul Shares Mark Zuckerberg Facebook Status

Rand Paul is hoping Mark Zuckerberg can save his dying campaign.

Ted Cruz Backs Constitutional Amendment Repealing Women’s Suffrage

Ted Cruz feels the only way to get Roe v. Wade off the books is to get women out of politics, literally.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #359 – Christmas Eve Edition

A festive, holiday-inspired rundown of Obama's Gun Confiscation count.