Totally Bulls*it News

She Told Her Boyfriend She’s Keeping Her Vote Secret Until He Finds Her Clit

Regular readers will recall that one of the things we pride ourselves on most here is our ability to secure interviews with the nation's...

Court Rules Ted Cruz is a Citizen, But Not a Member of the Human Race

A court has declared Ted Cruz a citizen, but not a human one.

Heartbreak! Even After Lobotomy, Republican Voter Unable to Vote for Trump

Even after removing half his brain, one man still can't bring himself to vote for Trump.

Republicans Seethe as Obama’s Communist Assault on Economy Adds 215k New Jobs

America's free market capitalist economy took a barrage of socialist punches this month.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #374

How may of your freedom shooters did Obama's Gun Confiscation abscond with?

Man Invents Device to Translate Farts and Donald Trump Speeches

If you have a hard time understanding Donald Trump, one man has a solution for you.

Clinton Hopes to Emotionally Blackmail Trump Into Changing His Tone Too

Hillary Clinton has a unique idea for curbing Donald Trump's tone.

Republican ‘Bummed Out’ His IQ Not Low Enough to Vote for Donald Trump

This Republican really wishes he was dumb enough to vote for Donald Trump.

North Carolina Catholic Republican Wants Religious Freedom to Perform Inquisitions

One North Carolina man wants his religious freedoms extended even further.