Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Musk’s Apparently Convinced Trump to Replace Air Force One With Epstein Air 69

Well, that didn't take long, and maybe I owe Elon Musk...

Musk’s D.O.G.E. Will Work Closely With His C.U.N.T.

"...with my CUNT right beside it, DOGE will be able to...

Lorena Bobbitt Just Filed Paperwork to Trademark “Your Body, My Choice”

While on a multi state speaking tour in Longmont, Colorado, Lorena...

How Many Hours Will My 90 Year Old Grandma Need to Work to Pay for Eggs and Milk?

...the incoming president's advisers would like women to first be put...

Win, Lose, or Insurrection, They’ve Assured Don His Balls Will NEVER Be Dry

"May his balls always runneth over my chin." - Rep. Jim...

NRA Spokesman on School Shooting Victims: “Fuck ‘Em, Man”

"Fuck 'em. Like, seriously, man. Fuck 'em." - Cache Gazette, NRA...

Chester Cheetah Was a Drug King Pen The Whole Time and We All Missed It

If it's true what they say, that you can't judge a...

Who’s the Fastest Filly: Coulter or Greene? A Race at Churchill Downs Will Finally Settle It.

For years, many have wondered which equine-featured fascist filly is the...

Jesus Came Again. Turns Out, He Just Wanted a Jersey Mike’s Sandwich.

For what seems like perhaps forever, American Evangelical Christians have been...