Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Signs Executive Order Forbidding Anyone From Saying “Conflicts Of Interest” In His Presence

Co-President Trump has just come up with a very unique way to avoid any issues that might arise out of conflicts of interest.

Sessions Invokes Obscure Clause In Constitution That Says Perjury Only Applies To Democrats

According to a rarely referenced clause in the Constitution, Attorney General Jeff Sessions says he cannot be prosecuted for perjury.

Navy SEAL William “Ryan” Owens To Receive Purple Prop Award From President Trump

William "Ryan" Owens, fallen Navy SEAL from the botched Yemeni raid, will get a new honor from Co-President Trump this week.

Congress To Launch Probe Into Why Steve Bannon’s Hands Smell Like President Trump’s Ass

Many people are saying that Steve Bannon's hands have an awfully suspicious scent on them, and Congress wants to find out why.

Stephen Miller Pushing Trump To Open D.C. Blood Bank Inside The White House

Citing his special dietary needs, White House senior policy adviser Stephen Miller is hoping Trump and Bannon will build a new bank.

Sean Spicer To Undergo Breakthrough Tongue Untying Surgery

Sean Spicer often has problems getting his words out during press briefings, but is all that about to change?

California Man Too Stoned Coping With Trump’s America To Care About Him Escalating War on Drugs

This guy can't stop smoking weed long enough to be concerned about the Trump administration cracking down on recreational marijuana.

Jeff Sessions Starts Smoking Weed To Alleviate The Stress Of Russia Scandal

Attorney General Jeff Sessions may just have some really big, personal reasons for taking up that devil's weed sometime in the near future.

Jeff Sessions’ Nose Keeps Knocking Over His Morning Cup Of Coffee

His unique biochemistry has made it so that Attorney General Jeff Sessions must ask for privacy while drinking his morning coffee.

Congressional Republican Cites Runaway Spending As Why Transgender And Poor Kids Should Suffer

One Republican in Congress has made an attempt to explain why his party made two huge moves that deeply impacted children this week.