Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Boasts His “Face the Nation” Interview Got Higher Ratings Than Liberating Auschwitz Would

President Donald Trump believes his "Face the Nation" interview ratings prove he's more popular than liberating a Nazi death camp.

Poll Shows 96% of Trump Voters Still Not Sure What’s Outside Their Own Rectum

New polling data seems to suggest and also confirm what most people have presumed about Trump voters for quite some time.

Trump Has Ivanka’s Cabinet Seat Removed and She Will Sit on His Lap Instead

First Lady Ivanka Trump will have a new place to sit when Daddy lets her run the meetings in his fancy-shmancy cabinet room!

President Trump Asks Bill O’Reilly to Become His New Head of Female Outreach

President Trump has reportedly reached out to former Fox News host Bill O'Reilly to see if he'd be willing to reach out to same ladies for him.

Jeff Sessions Promises to Make it Clearer When He’s Telling a Racist Joke

Attorney General Jeff Sessions thinks he may have figured out a way to signal to the American people when he's just cracking a racist joke.

President Trump Appoints New National Translator for His Interviews

President Trump, when interviewed, seems to run off into wild, nonsensical tangents quite often. But a new translator might help.

AG Sessions: U.S. Could Pay For Trump’s Border Wall By Repealing 13th Amendment

Paying for Donald Trump's proposed border wall is meeting stiff opposition all over the political spectrum, but his AG has a plan for that.

Trump Announces Next Year U.S. Will Celebrate Flat Earth Day Instead

President Donald Trump indicated that the United States will be celebrating an alternative version of Earth Day next year.

To Celebrate Earth Day, EPA Chief and President Trump Double-Team Inflatable Globe

President Donald Trump and EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt celebrated Earth Day like youd' expect two uber-capitalists would.

Jeff Sessions Apologizes to ‘Any Ocean Negros’ Who Were Offended by His Hawaii Comments

Attorney General Jeff Sessions wants Hawaiians living on those islands in the pacific he's very, very sorry. Truly. Very.