Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Ivanka Trump to Sing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” to Her Daddy at Party

On his 71st birthday, President Trump will have his daughter Ivanka serenade him with a traditional birthday song.

EXCLUSIVE LOOK! Leaked Details of GOP’s Top Secret Obamacare Replacement Bill

Republicans have been writing their replacement for Obamacare in secret. But initial details of the law they're drafting have just been leaked.

Melania Asks for Separate Beds in White House Master Bedroom

Living under the same roof as her husband for the first time in five months is hard enough. Now Melania realizes she needs her own bed still.

Jeff Sessions Hits a Jay Because He’s ‘Super Duper Freaking Out’ Before His Senate Testimony

Before Attorney General Jeff Sessions goes before the Senate in an open hearing, he needs a little herbal relaxation to calm the situation.

Megyn Kelly Announces She’ll Follow Alex Jones Interview by Asking Questions of Literal Piece of Shit

Former Fox host Megyn Kelly interviewed Alex Jones recently, and now she has her sites set on someone very similar for her next interview.

The President Wants To Turn The White House Lawn Into A Trump Branded Golf Course

President Trump believes he can kill two birdies with one stone, and have the front lawn of the White House turned into his personal golf course.

As Melania Moves In, White House Staff Hurriedly Moves First Lady’s Things From Master Bedroom

With his wife Melania moving into the White House, President Trump needed the staff to get his First Lady's personal things out of the master bedroom.

Democrats Ask Trump If He’d Like to Call For a Snap Election Now Too

After seeing Theresa May flounder in the election she called for in the UK, Democrats here in the states want to see if Trump will do the same.

Richard Nixon Sends His Articles of Impeachment to Paul Ryan ‘To Save Some Time’

Talks of impeachment may not be bubbling up on the GOP side of the aisle, but Dick Nixon thinks they should, and he's trying to speed the process up.

John McCain Still In His Seat Babbling Incoherently 24 Hours After Comey Finished Testifying

Senator John McCain was still rambling and babbling this morning when cleaning crews found him in the same committee hearing room he was in yesterday.