Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Priebus Warns Trump His Tweets Can Be Read By Supreme Court Justices Too

President Trump may not quite understand how Twitter works. Then again he's still figuring out how the toilet works.

Trump Says He Won’t Exercise Executive Privilege To ‘Smelting Without Dealting’

President Trump has many powers under his executive privilege, but he announced today he would not exercise them in one particular fashion.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders To Be Replaced With Dead Cat So Talking Points Can Be Read With More Emotion

When Sean Spicer is unavailable, Trump has used Sarah Huckabee Sanders. But now, word is he'll tap someone completely different...and dead.

Trump Supporter Wonders Which Muslim Country Orlando Workplace Shooter Came From

After a shooting rampage in Orlando kills five, one Trumper wonders which Muslim country the shooter came from.

James Comey Seen Running Through Streets of Philadelphia Ahead of Congressional Testimony

Fired FBI Director James Comey has been seen in and around Philadelphia, training for his upcoming Congressional testimony.

Trump To Pull U.S. Out of Treaty of Appomattox

The Paris Climate Accords were just the beginning. President Trump plans to reexamine every treaty the U.S. has ever signed.

Trump Supporter Glad to Have The President ‘Tweeting Crazy Shit from Home’ Again

Donald Trump is back home from his long trip abroad, and this supporter of his is just glad the crazy tweets are coming from Washington once more.

Trump Says U.S. Didn’t Need Paris Accords Because NASA Found Planet Covfefe & We’ll Live There

Who needs Earth when you can trade it up for a newer, hotter planet? That's Trump's philosophy and why he ditched the Paris Accords.

Man Who Probably Won’t Be Alive in 20 Years Super Glad Trump Just Fucked Over the Planet

By dropping out of the Paris Accords, Donald Trump has imperiled the planet, but that doesn't matter to this old dude.

Trump Was ‘Not Sure’ If He Should Try To Save The Planet He Thinks Revolves Around Him

Before making his important, landmark decision on the Paris Climate Accords, President Trump had some soul searching to do.