Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

Attorney General Sessions Not Sure He Enjoys The Taste of Trump’s Anus Anymore

Attorney General Jeff Sessions and President Donald Trump have an "on again/off again" relationship, but is it permanently off?

Trump Says He’ll Give Alaska to Russia If Murkowski Votes No on Obamacare Repeal

Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska has drawn the ire of our stubby fingered, angry orange orangutan president. Is Alaska on the way back to Russia?

Citing ‘Medical Costs and the Disruption,’ Trump Orders Military Re-Segregated

Just after re-instituting a ban on transgender soldiers, Trump rolls back more of what conservatives call the "social experiment"ing within the military.

Transgender, Two Tour Afghanistan Vet Hopes Trump’s Bone Spurs Aren’t Hurting Him Anymore

He served two tours in Afghanistan as a woman, came home, transitioned, and now he's been kicked out of the military by Trump.

Doctors: John McCain’s Brain Tumor Closely Connected to His Heart, Soul, Humanity

Senator John McCain received a heroes welcome before casting a deciding vote on the healthcare debate.

Susan Collins Declines Duel With Blake Farenthold, Challenges Him to 1 Meter Dash Instead

Rep. Blake Farenthold has said he's so mad at female senators blocking Obamacare's repeal that he'd do an Aaron Burr on them if they weren't women.

Trump Leads Boy Scouts Chant of “F*ck that C**t” About Hillary

After President Donald Trump spoke at their annual Jamboree, the Boy Scouts of American aren't apolitical anymore.

Analysis: 17 Red States Give Trump, Fucking Cousins At Gun Shows, Better Than 50% Approval Rating

New polling data, when analyzed, shows that 17 states give both President Trump and doing it with your cousin at a gun show the same approval rating.

Kushner Blames Lack of Russian Translation for Omissions on Security Forms

American security forms are all in English, and Jared Kushner says that is at least partially to blame for his glaring omissions from them.

Jealous Sean Hannity Tells Scaramucci ‘There’s Only So Much Trump Dick to Go Around’

Sean Hannity does't want newly hired Anthony Scaramucci to get the wrong idea about how much Trump dong he's entitled to.