Totally Bulls*it News

Can I File an Extension If I’m Not Ready to Control My Wife By January 20th?

I don't really want to go to jail because I couldn't figure out how to wrangle my wife's genitals into their holding pen before...

Biden: “I Don’t Know Pete Doocy’s Parents, So I Had No Right to Call Him a Son of a Bitch.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, a Fox News White House reporter asked...

Responding to Backlash, There Will Soon Be an Inbred, Anti-Vaxxer White M&M

McLEAN, VIRGINIA -- When executives at Mars, Incorporated approved updates to...

Tucker Carlson Will Rub Reese’s Pieces on His Ken Doll Patch Instead

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson is...

Investigators Find Justice Thomas’ Pubes on Forged Electoral Certificates

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an attempt to keep defeated President Donald...

Why Didn’t His Natural Immunity to Crashes Keep Him Being Thrown From His Car?

LAKE FARTFACE, MICHIGAN -- Friends and family gathered this week to...

Matt Walsh is Thinking Very Deeply About Your Genitals. Just Like Jesus.

This week, Daily Caller columnist and podcaster Matt Walsh -- a devout evangelical...

Trump Has Offered to Turn State’s Evidence Against Jared

FARTS-A-LOT-THOUGH, FLORIDA -- In perhaps an unsurprising twist, former President Don...

Experts Agree: Four Out of Five MAGAS Can’t Make Their Cousins Climax

Fascinating new data from the National Institute of Boner and Contraboner...

Can Donald Trump Legally Hire Al Capone’s Lawyer to Defend Him?

Most former presidents metaphorically ride off into the sunset and spend...

Trump’s Lawyers Advise Him to Throw All His Kids Under the Bus, Even the Ones He Wants to Fuck

News out of the New York State's Attorney General's office has...