Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

CDC Says It’s Now Safe to Remove Your Mask In Order Tell Ted Cruz to Fuck Himself

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Centers for Disease Control has issued the...

Free Speech Defender Wants Teachers Arrested For Talking About Racism or Gay People In Florida

TALAHASSE, FLORIDUH -- You would be hard-pressed to find a politician...

Maybe If Real Women Would Talk to Me, I Wouldn’t Get So Worked Up Over Cartoon Ones

The following editorial was submitted to Alternative Facts by William Terwilliger Jones, a...

National Archives: Trump May Have Illegally Taken Presidential Happy Meal Toys to Mar-A-Lago

The Presidential Records Act was signed into law by President Jimmy...

New Fashion Trend: Wearing Your IQ on Your Hat

There's a hot new fashion trend these days, and we just...

Rumble Offers Joe Rogan $100 Million to Wear a MAGA Hat and Just Shout the N-Word

A YouTube competitor has offered podcaster Joe Rogan $100 million to...

Marco Rubio Will Condemn January 6th as Soon as the Armed Trump Supporter Says He Can

Senator Marco Rubio believes that the events of January 6th are...

RNC Declares Lincoln’s Assassination ‘Legitimate Political Discourse’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Republican National Committee might, as it turns...

Joe Rogan Insists He ‘Only Meant It’ Half the Times He Used the N-Word

Controversy continues to swirl around Joe Rogan's podcast, and it appears...

The RNC and Donald Trump’s Dong Have Censured Kinzinger and Cheney

Standing on one's principles can be a tricky proposition for anyone,...