Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Chinese Government Admits Climate Change ‘Total and Complete Bigly Hoax’

SOME CHINESE SOUNDING PLACE, CHINA -- The totally real government of...

Stan Lee Plans To Make Surprise Humorous Cameo In Upcoming Funeral

EXCELSIOR, CALIFORNIA -- Stan Lee, creator of Marvel Comics and some...

Rick Scott: “Once Republican Votes Are Counted, There’s No Need to Continue Counting”

LAKE NOSFERATU, FLORIDA -- This week, President Donald Trump weighed in...

Tesla Introduces Retro Line of Cars Featuring AM Radios

Reno, NV -- Tesla, Inc. is back in the news this...

Weather Channel Adding Local Mass Shooting Forecasts to U.S. Broadcasts

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Weather Channel announced late this week that...

Jim Acosta is Opening a No-Impact Kung Fu Dojo

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Just a couple of days after finding himself...

Huckabee Sanders Says Next Time Jim Acosta Should Just Grab Intern By The Pussy

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, just...

Jeff Sessions Can Finally Unwind, Smoke a Doob, and Forget About Persecuting Brown People Awhile

GREEN FIELD SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA -- Just after former Attorney General Jeff...

Trump Wants His New Space Force’s Guns To Go “PEW PEW!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump reportedly surprised even his own...

Trump Demands Paul Ryan Institute Electoral College Rules For 2018 Midterm Results

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump, having taken in the whole...