Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Johnny Cash Estate to Release 14 Hours of the Artist’s Mumbling

New York, NY -- The estate of Johnny Cash and New York...

POLL: 60% of Americans Hoping Government Shutdown Lasts Until 2020

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Because Senate Republicans didn't have the votes necessary...

Trump Nominates Putin to Replace James Mattis

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The threat of an impending shutdown of the...

Mexico Starts GoFundMe For Its Own Wall

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- Newly elected Mexican President Andrés Manuel López...

Donald Trump Claims John Lennon Is His Favorite Band

Washington, D.C. -- On the heels of a tweet announcing that...

Hellraiser Holiday Starbucks Cup Sends Area Woman to Hell

Sparks, NV -- 31-year-old Dawn Qualls found herself in the torturous...

Sarah Sanders Confidently and Stridently Incorrectly Explains To Her Ham Sandwich How Government is Funded

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A contentious moment between White House Press Secretary...

Mexico Agrees to Pay For Stephen Miller’s Hair Plugs

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador dropped what...

Everybody Totally Believed That Was Stephen Miller’s Real Hair

The alarm went off at its usual time -- 3:30am in...

Area Libertarian Still Calls His Mom ‘Mother’

Houston, TX -- A 48-year-old Houston man surprised his coworkers after...