Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump: “The IG Report Concludes I Should Be Able To Round-Up and Execute Democrats on 5th Avenue”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump was spotted this morning pacing around...

Bill Barr: “Non-Whites Who Don’t Own Land Voting Sets a Dangerous Precedent of Self-Governance”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Attorney General William Barr said in a radio...

White House: Articles of Impeachment Don’t Have Enough Pictures So Trump Can’t Understand Them

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House released a letter this morning,...

Coastal Elite Wisconsin Dairy Farmer Supports Trump’s Impeachment

PÂTURAGE DE LAIT COUNTY, WISCONSIN -- 56-year-old Carol Heffermère never considered...

“Why Nepotism Is Wrong Unless You Also Want to Bang That Child” by President Donald Trump

The following is an open letter to the American people written...

House Judiciary Republicans Give Trump Best “Defense” They Can During Impeachment Hearing

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee offered the...

Santa Claus Asks Gun Owners to Stow Weapons Before He Comes

NORTH POLE, EARTH -- Kristopher Q. Kringle, known around the world...

Ted Cruz Vigorously Defends Donald Trump on “Meet The Press” for No Reason in Particular

DOUCHEBAG RANCH, TEXAS -- Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), forcefully defended President...

Country’s Largest Turd Seeks Nationwide Toilet Investigation

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The biggest, smelliest, and dumbest fecal-human hybrid in...