Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Pat Robertson: “Jesus Died For Your Sins. The Least You Can Do Is Die For Trump’s Economy.”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson hasn't done much to...

Lahren: “All Lives Matter Except When You Need to Die for The Economy”

VAPID ATTENTION WHORE, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News contributing racist Tabitha Lahren...

President Promises Americans ‘The Trump Steak of Coronavirus Vaccines’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald J. Trump told the American people...

ISIS Claims Responsibility for Coronavirus Quarantine Protests

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION -- The terrorist organization known as ISIS has released...

Trump Pledges 10,000 Flotation Devices to ‘Help the Mexicans Survive’ Cinco de Mayo

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A perhaps confused President Trump began his day...

Trump Calls William Shatner to Wish Him Happy May The 4th

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, fans of the iconic film franchise Star Wars are...

Local Militia Group Preparing to Liberate Chick-Fil-A Dining Room From Coronavirus Lockdown

SISTER BANGER, KENTUCKY -- They don't know exactly when, but the...