Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

Biden Orders Gas Cost $7 Trillion a Gallon

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden has served America as an...

First Recorded Sounds From Mars Are Martians Thanking Us For Electing Biden

In a truly stunning turn of events, the first audio recordings...

Surgeon General Recommends Shitting on Ted Cruz Twice Daily

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The acting Surgeon General of the United States...

Senate Republicans Warn Garland They Won’t Tolerate Him Behaving Like They Tolerated Bill Barr Behaving

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Republicans sought assurances from President Joe Biden's...

Biden Says It’s Time To Take Eric’s Finger Paintings Off the White House Fridge

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When Joe Biden took office last month, he...

Nation Grips Itself for Another Week Without a Presidential Golf Outing

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For four years, if there was one thing...

Scientist Says Boebert Was Created In a Lab With Sarah Palin’s Brain and Wayne LaPierre’s Dick Sweat

Recent GED recipient, former diarrhea inducing BBQ chef, and newly minted,...

United Airlines Ending Its Frequent Fuckface Miles Program

United Airlines has announced that after careful consideration of the events...

Mexico Offers to Pay to Send Ted Cruz Back to Canada

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- While residents of his home state of...

Devastated Underage Dominican Prostitutes Left Out Of Limbaugh’s Will

SANTO DOMINGO, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC -- In a shocking blow to the...