What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

Published on

“…it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans he thought he could plant so he could climb a beanstalk to Heaven and ask God to make his daddy president again.”

I am by no means a legal expert, nor am I an economics or business expert. What I am is a problem solver, though, and I think — after doing some deep thinking on the subject — that I might have figured out how Donald Trump can payoff the money he owes to the woman he raped and defamed and the fines levied against him by the State of New York for being a fraudulent little pissbaby. But I need your help, because like I said, I’m no expert in the field.

Can Trump just use Ivanka’s OnlyFans subscriptions to payoff his debts?

While it makes total sense that a guy worth over a billion bucks can’t afford a bond worth less half that much, Trump is still in a hell of a bind. One would think that this man could sell just a couple of his properties, which he claims are worth so very very much, and be done with this whole mess. However, since for some strange reason he hasn’t decided to do that, he may need to rely on the kindness of his family, like so many of us do, to get through his hard financial times.

And who better to ask for help than his darling daughter-lover? Ivanka’s OnlyFans would provide her father at least a little breathing room, financially speaking.

Granted, Ivanka could just maybe sell a handful of the Chinese trademarks her daddy helped her secure while he was the president. But, who knows if there’s enough money there to secure a bond so he can appeal the judgement against him for raping and repeatedly defaming E. Jean Carroll?

No, I think clearly Ivanka’s OnlyFans is the best revenue source for her father to pilfer.

I suppose Don could ask his two oldest male crotch fruit for a little financial assistance, but I’m not sure how well that would go. I made a few phone calls, and it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans he thought he could plant so he could climb a beanstalk to Heaven and ask God to make his daddy president again. Donald Trump Jr’s coke dealer told me the second-smartest Donald Trump owes him so much money, he doesn’t think he’d have more than a couple nickels to loan his pops.

So, it’s all down to Ivanka’s OnlyFans, unless his son-in-law can give him some of that sweet, sweet Saudi cash he got.

UPDATE: I’ve been made aware that Ivanka Trump’s only subscriber on OnlyFans is her father, so I think this plan of mine is a bust. Back to the drawing board.

Latest articles

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...