For the First Time in Four Years, the President Will Not Honor Victims of the Bowling Green Massacre

Published on

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Over the course of time between 2017 and 2021, Americans got used to their president making them aware of historical events that they may not have ever heard of, or that didn’t actually happen. It was only a matter of days into the administration when White House Bullshit Strategist and Adviser Kellyanne Conway insisted that more Americans should be aware of the Bowling Green Massacre. Though history books don’t make any mention of such a terror attack, for the next four years, the previous administration would honor those who they say lost their lives in the terror attack that the Obama administration did nothing to prevent.

It’s said quite often, though, that “elections have consequences.” When Joe Biden won last year’s presidential, it signalled that yet again power would transfer, eventually and after a coup attempt on January 6th, and that there would indeed be consequences following Biden’s election.

MORE: Rand Paul Tells Chris Wallace It’s Unconstitutional to Do Things That Are in the Constitution

“Well, President Biden simply feels that at this point in time it’s better, if we’re going to be honoring the fallen,” Press Secretary Jen Psaki told reporters today, “that we should be honoring the ones that actually, you know, fell.”

Psaki said that because the Biden administration has not been able to find any record of the Bowling Green Massacre having taken place, they decided to cancel the annual wreath laying ceremony started by Biden’s predecessor. For four years, that president would go out and put a wreath down in front of a bowling alley near the White House, though the “Bowling Green” in “Bowling Green Massacre” refers to a city in Kentucky, not a bowling alley. Regardless of where the previous president laid the wreath, Biden will not be participating in that ceremony any longer.

“Almost 400,000 Americans lost their lives under the watch of the previous administration,” Psaki reminded reporters today. “This president is focused on honoring those who died of the coronavirus to ensure they didn’t die in vain. If, once we get this pandemic under control, and we have the bandwidth to track down proof that the Bowling Green Massacre actually happened, we’ll circle back to the wreath laying ceremony.”

MORE: Man in MAGA Hat Burning Cross Says Democrats Are the ‘Real Racists’


Like what you read? Consider signing up for my free newsletter, becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, or signing up for my Patreon.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....