WASHINGTON, D.C. — Rep. Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) counts herself among some of the most strident and outspoken followers and devotees of the MAGA political movement. Ms. Boebert, who up to the point she was elected to Congress was most famous for giving patrons of her pro-Second Amendment themed restaurant diarrhea with tainted meat, rode the wave of white nationalist whine-rage that catapulted former reality-TV game show host Don Trump into the White House, and has been unwavering in her support of not just the MAGA movement, but its leader as well.
Today, speaking to reporters during a press conference called by the Dumbfuck Caucus — an affiliation of the dumbest members of the House of Representatives — Boebert continued to show her public devotion to Trump and his political legacy.
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“I need one of you libtarded members of the press, the ones our glorious FOREVER PRESIDENT rightly labeled the enemies of the people, to go do some real journalism,” Boebert demanded. “You need to go find out why the Food and Communist Socialist Antifa George Soros Barack Obama Administration keeps pumping out these approvals for vaccine boosters, but hasn’t lifted a finger to get bleach injection boosters approved.”
Boebert calls the lack of bleach booster approval a “clear and obvious, direct threat to the MAGA movement,” and says it shows a deeply rooted bias against Trump himself.
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“They may claim they’re not approving the bleach boosters because tech-mick-ly it’s poison and can kill you, but that sounds like an excuse for taking away our freedom of choice, to me,” Boebert insisted. “If American patriots want to inject themselves with bleach every few weeks, and then take horse dewormer because their regular doctor won’t prescribe the human version of the drug since COVID-19 isn’t a bacterial infection, or whatever, then the FDA should get the hell out of their way!”
Former, one term, twice forever impeached President Don Trump issued a brief written statement, which he cannot post to any social media networks, praising Boebert for her “courage to ask the touch questions.”
“Clearly Lauren Bobo knows that my ideas, no matter how stupid and childish, deserve to be preserved and protected throughout the anals of time. I’m pretty sure I’m saying that right, anals. Right? It’s anals? IVANKA, GET IN HERE AND TELL ME IF ANAL IS RIGHT,” Trump wrote. “IVANKA! COME TELL ME ABOUT ANAL!”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.
