NBC Bringing Back “The Biggest Loser” and Donald Trump’s Tax Returns Will Host

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HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA — For 17 seasons, NBC ran the show “The Biggest Loser” on its airwaves, and it was largely a hit for the Peacock Network.

On the show, medically obese contestants would compete in teams to lose as much weight as they could, with the help and advisement of personal trainers. Over the years, thousands of pounds were shed off hundreds of contestants. The show went off the air in 2016, but now NBC has announced it will bring it back, albeit with a new host, and a new focus for the show.

“We are very pleased to announce that The Biggest Loser will be making its grand re-appearance in your living rooms and on your streaming services this fall,” Janice Michelle Vincenzo, NBC’s Co-Executive Junior Vice President in Charge of Marketing and Program Development told industry insiders at a luncheon this week in New York City. “This time, it’ll be hosted by President Donald Trump’s tax returns, and instead of trying to lose weight, contestants will try to lose more money running terrible businesses than Trump did in the 80’s and 90’s.”

Vincenzo says that her network had no plans to bring back the show until a few executives read the bombshell New York Times article detailing over a decade of Trump’s tax filings. The documents showed that Trump was the single biggest loser of business revenue of any individual filer for the period of 1984-1996. In that time span, Trump lost over a billion dollars on his failed casinos and other businesses. The report also details how Trump was largely propped up by the hundreds of millions of dollars he inherited from his father, real estate mogul and white hood salesman, Fred Trump.

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“President Trump famously likes to brag that he’s a big winner, and when he was keeping his tax records from everybody that was something he could pull off,” Ms. Vincenzo said. “But now we know that he’s actually The Biggest Loser, at least in terms of losing money for his businesses. Considering he’s supposed to be a big, rich, successful business tycoon, it seems that lie’s been exposed, but hey, we’re not here to talk about that! We’re here to talk about this great new show his tax returns are going to host!”

It’s not exactly clear at this time exactly how Trump’s tax returns, which are technically lifeless and inanimate, will host the show, but Vincenzo says she and her team aren’t “really worried about that at all.”

“We have an inanimate, lifeless lump running things in the Oval Office, so why can’t a lifeless, inanimate stack of papers host a TV show,” Vincenzo asked rhetorically. “This is 2019. Anything is possible.”

Reached for comment, President Trump signalled his “outrage and poutrage” at this development.

“How about I just bomb NBC’s building with the army? It’s my army, I can do that you know,” Trump told reporters. “This whole freedom of speech thing is really putting a cramp in my presidenting!”

The Biggest Loser: Trump’s Taxes Edition will debut in October, if the final green light is given to the production.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

James’ newest satirical compilation is out now and available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and soon at WalMart.com.

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