It was quite a day in the news today, and as always Not Really News is here to give you all the information you need, most of what you don’t need, and a few things you should probably ignore!
First, President Joe Biden tripped on his way up the stairs to board Air Force One. To be fully and completely accurate, Biden, who at 78 is the oldest American to ever hold the office of the presidency, tripped more than once. In fact, all told President Biden tripped three times climbing the stairs.
MORE: GAETZ PLANS TO FUCK A MRS. POTATO HEAD WHILE READING RACIST DR. SEUSS BOOKS TO OWN THE LIBS
The Hill provided the country, and indeed the world, this very important, earth shattering news in a tweet seen below.
President Joe Biden trips climbing the stairs to Air Force 1 pic.twitter.com/x8UD7q0a48
— The Hill (@thehill) March 19, 2021
The official White House explanation for Biden tripping three times was that he was made unstable by the incredible gusts of wind that are in fact easily identified on the tape. With or without the explanation from the Biden administration, it didn’t take long for the video of the president tripping to become viral on the Internet. As one might expect, some ultra conservative political adversaries of Biden mocked him mercilessly for tripping.
But the saga of Biden’s trips on the way up the stairs doesn’t end there.
Sources are now confirming that at the exact same time that President Joe Biden was falling three times on his way up Air Force One’s long flight of stairs, Donald Trump was busy not being president anymore.
“I can confirm for you right now that just as President Joe Biden was tripping for the first time today, Mr. Trump was at home at Mar-a-Lago, not being president,” a Trump aide, speaking on the condition of anonymity told us. “By the time Biden tripped for a second time, Mr. Trump had begun to scratch his very excellent ass, and was still not president. Then, as President Biden fell for a third and final time, Mr. Trump rose to his feet, and farted, blaming it on Sarah Huckabee Sanders out of old habit. At that time he was still not president.”
At the time of publication, it’s unclear if, or when, Donald Trump will ever be president again.
Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.
 |
MORE: BIDEN THANKS TRUMP FOR NEARLY SPELLING ‘VACCINE’ RIGHT ON OPERATION WARP SPEED DOCUMENTS
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.
