Biden Directs Space Force to Stop Its ‘McDonald’s on the Moon’ Program

Published on

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Space Force will no longer be developing a plan to install a McDonald’s fast food franchise on Earth’s moon. This new development came this morning, as President Joe Biden announced that he would be ending Space Force’s McDonald’s on the Moon mission, started by Biden’s predecessor, in order to “re-evaluate” how best to allocate the new branch of the U.S. military’s armed forces.

“Look, Jack, I’m sure the last guy wanted to make sure no matter where he went, and no matter white time it was, that he’d get access to his nuggies and Big Macs,” Biden said as he made the policy change announcement in the Oval Office today. “That’s not my thing though. It’s not meant as an insult to people who think the moon needs a McDonald’s; it’s an acknowledgement that we need to make sure we can feed everyone who needs food herre, on Earth, first.”

MORE: PAT ROBERTSON SAYS GOD WILL SEND HURRICANES TO ALL 50 STATES IF ‘GAYS KEEP GETTING MARRIED’

Biden made it clear that at some point down the line Space Force could revisit the plan to put a McDonald’s on the moon, it’s just that for right now, he doesn’t see that as being the most pressing priority.

“Hey, I enjoy a Quarter Pounder every now again. I have me a Filet O’ Fish around Lent every year,” Biden quipped, “but that doesn’t mean I want to spend our country’s wealth figuring out how to put minimum wage workers on the moon, Squirt! Let’s circle back to this issue once we’ve gotten the pandemic under control and people have jobs here on the surface of our planet, before we start trying to find a way to make McDonald’s lunar again.”

MORE: DEVASTATED UNDERAGE DOMINICAN PROSTITUTES LEFT OUT OF LIMBAUGH’S WILL


 

Like what you read? Consider signing up for my free newsletter, becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, or signing up for my Patreon.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity...

Once I Learned to Read, I Realized The Left Actually Can and Does Meme

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and Trump White House official Dustin...

God Told Me Oklahoma Kids Will Be ‘Stupid as Fuck’ After the Bible is Taught in Schools

"...do they really think it covers me in glory to have a bunch of...

Someone Accidentally Sent Me a Copy of The Biden/Trump Debate Questions

Don't ask me how it happened, but it would appear that someone at CNN...