3 Important Reasons Bank Execs Need Bailouts But You Don’t Need Welfare

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Dustin Pewpsin is a self-described “conservative AF amateur economist and professional politics watcher.” He has a weekly podcast on WKKK-AM in Tennessee. This content was produced by Mr. Pewpsin and his podcast staff.

Not since 2008 have Americans been hearing about bank collapses as much as they are in the last week, thanks to Silicon Valley Bank. Now, before anyone gets panicky, what we’re seeing is just a natural part of capitalism, and it’s not really alarming that every couple of decades our economy nearly craters because we keep letting bank executives live in a consequence-free existence while the rest of us get hit with $40 overdraft fees on a $10 purchase.

And that’s exactly as it should be.

President Joe Biden has announced that no taxpayer funds would bailout SVB, just the people whose deposits weren’t FDIC insured. Mr. Biden can act like the people who ran SVB are going to pay a stiff price for their failures, but the fact that their depositors are being made whole is a form of bailing the banks out of their moral or legal responsibilities. Besides, do we really think that when the ink is dried, SVB execs won’t pocket some of that depositor bailout money somehow?

Which, again, is exactly as it should be.

That’s because banks and bank executives need bailouts. Before you start asking though, no you don’t need welfare. Nobody needs welfare, just bootstraps and a work ethic. Bank bailouts are for banks and executives who have shown by virtue of being banks and bank execs that they have strong work ethics. And if you’ve ever seen a bank executive work to get a bailout, you know how strong that work ethic is.

It has to be this way. You know, for like the economy or whatever? But if that single reason isn’t enough for you, and it really should be, then you’re in luck. Because I have three more quick, bulletproof reasons bank execs need bailouts and you don’t need welfare.

1. There is NO way you look as good in a $4000 suit as they do.

Just admit it. You’re not their equal in any way, and that starts first and foremost with fashion. Rich bank execs dress in expensive suits, and they look damn good doing it. Do you even own a t-shirt worth a crisp hund-o, Poorsy McGee? Of course you don’t. And those expensive suits are a lot harder to buy when you’re not being bailed out.

2. Tax Accountants and Lawyers DO NOT Work For Free

As a certified Poor-as-Fuck-American, I’m sure you never really even think about what it costs to have more money than God. One thing you absolutely must have is a well-trained team of lawyers and tax accountants, working hard every day to make sure you don’t pay too much in taxes, or better yet, that you don’t pay any taxes at all. Those lawyers and accountants are expensive! Bailouts help make sure the wealthy can afford to keep paying their lawyers and accountants.

3. The Bible/Constitution/Whatever

At the end of the day, all the justification we need to bailout banks and their execs, but leave the working and poor in the dust with less than scraps is right in the Bible. Or the Constitution. Or pretty much whatever it is we say we need to use for justification. Don’t like it? Buy a media network and pay to put the so-called truth out there. Oh, you can’t afford that? That sucks. For you.


One guy’s take on #bailouts vs #welfare #capitalism #siliconvalleybank #svb #politics #politik #political

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

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