James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I think a woman is programmed by God himself to be my willing sex and food preparation slave." If there's one thing we all know about abortion bans, it's that they keep...

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity from prosecution  -- even for attempting coups -- that we're headed in the wrong direction as a country. And sure, if you're one of those libtarded cucks who thinks self-governance...
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Would an Impeachment Conviction of Her Father Prevent Ivanka From Being First Lady Ever Again?

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Graham Says House Managers ‘Better Prove Monica Was Blowing Trump’ Soon

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Impeachment: Hawley Says He Hasn’t Heard Convincing Evidence From Within Trump’s Peepee Hole

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- From his vantage point, Senator Josh Hawley (Q-MO) says he hasn't...

Gina Carano Identifies As Unemployed

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Trump Replaces Impeachment Legal Team With Lionel Hutz

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- All in all, the general takeaway from the opening day of...

Babylon Bee Staff Identify as Comedians Though They Share Only One Joke Between Them

In practice, they're a cadre of Christofascists who wrap their theocratic beliefs in the...

Rich Guy Taking Six Figure Paycheck From Taxpayers Wonders If Taxpayers Need More Stimulus

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For the First Time in Four Years, the President Will Not Honor Victims of the Bowling Green Massacre

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the course of time between 2017 and 2021, Americans got...

Lindsey Graham Insists Conviction in Second Impeachment Won’t Remove Him From Trump’s Rectum

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Lindsey Graham, speaking to reporters this morning just hours before...

Former President Says His Balls are ‘Really Bigly Missing’ Devin Nunes and Ted Cruz These Days

LAKE DUMFUK, FLORIDA -- He hasn't even been out of power for a full...

Mitch McConnell Buys Aunt Jemima Syrup But Puts the Bottle in the Back of the Cart

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was recently spotted out and about...

Ivanka: “Why Would Daddy Excite an Erection When He Knows That’s My Job?”

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Latest articles

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....