James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity from prosecution  -- even for attempting coups -- that we're headed in the wrong direction as a country. And sure, if you're one of those libtarded cucks who thinks self-governance...

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
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Recently Deceased Critic Mostly Unimpressed With Obituary His Family Wrote For Him

THE GREAT BEYOND -- When Sal Govatino died, he left behind a wife and...

Right-Wing Conspiracy Theorist Changes Name To “Low-IQAnon”

REMOTE, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION -- The mysterious online persona QAnon announced in a 4Chan chatroom...

Amazon Working On Rectal Recognition Software So You Always Know Who Dealt It

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced today that...

President Trump Furious He Can’t Get Into Ivanka’s Pants

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- An irate President Trump lashed out violently this morning, throwing a...

VP Mike Pence Will Push Congress For Law Stating Life Begins At “Pre-Cum”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This year, Vice President Mike Pence will make a joint address...

Trump’s Space Force Laser Guns Will Go “Pee! Pee!” Instead of “Pew! Pew!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has changed his mind, and instead of going...

Ted Cruz Wants To Make Sure Trump’s Military Parade Money Isn’t Diverted To Veterans’ Healthcare

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With his military parade on ice, for now at least, President...

Trump Rolls-Back Obama Era Endorsement of Oxygen

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's no big secret on the Hill that Donald Trump's main...

Parenting Study: Kids Will Probably Be A-Holes Regardless of What You Do

A new study published in the  North American Pediatric Psychology Review seems to indicate...

Mexican American Has Surprisingly Little Problem Believing Trump Has Used The N-Word Before

LOS CHINGADEROS NARANJOS, CALIFORNIA -- Whether or not the sitting President of the United...

Jim Jordan Legally Changes Name To “Gym Paterno” To Avoid Scandal

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There is no longer a congressman named Rep. Jim Jordan, who...

Putin Revokes Brennan’s Security Clearance

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Former CIA Director John Brennan has been stripped of his security...

Latest articles

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...