James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are pretty much the same thing. I mean, if they weren't, wouldn't all the conservatives who were...raising alarms about the lack of free speech on college campuses be freaking out about...

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I think a woman is programmed by God himself to be my willing sex and food preparation slave." If there's one thing we all know about abortion bans, it's that they keep...
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Anonymous Staffer Offers to Blow Trump So Republicans Will Support Impeaching Him

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Trump Shouts ‘NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION!’ in Every Child’s Face at White House Egg Roll

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Agitated Trump Asks Why Jesus Christ ‘Gets Two Birthdays’ and He Only Gets One

MAR-A-LAGO -- Today, before firing off a handful of angry tweets about a report...

Rudy Giuliani Tells Radio Host ‘There Was Nothing Wrong With a Man Taking His Second Cousin as His First Wife’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- President Donald Trump's lawyer, former New York City Mayor...

Trump Says He Cannot Be Impeached for ‘Attempted Crimes’ Like ‘Conspiracy, Obstruction, or Murder’

MAR-A-LAGO -- As Air Force Individual-1 readied to take off from Florida for the...

Betsy DeVos Devastated by ‘All the French Neutered Danes’ in Denmark

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, President Donald Trump ordered that Education Secretary Betsy DeVos be...

6 Inanimate Objects Smart Enough to Know They’re Breaking the Law and 1 Donald Trump Jr.

Yesterday, the world got its first taste of the long-awaited Mueller Report. While legal...

Mueller Report Documents Huckabee Sanders’ Daily Diet: A Trough Full of Bullshit

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As Americans continue to read and digest the contents of the...

Trump Supporter Outraged Mueller Report Doesn’t Mention Benghazi Even Once

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and YouTube star Jethro Bohiggins has "mixed...

Barr: “It Was Impossible for Me to Judge if Trump Obstructed Justice With His Dick Obstructing My Wind Pipe”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's been quite a day for Attorney General William Barr. To start...

French Authorities Find Charred Bible Signed by Trump in Notre Dame Cathedral

VILLE OÙ LES FEMMES DANSENT NUES, FRANCE, FRANCE -- Firefighters battling the blaze that...

AG Barr: “The President Can Murder Ten People If He’s Feeling Stressed Out Enough”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though the Mueller Report is still, at the time of publication,...

Latest articles

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...