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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity from prosecution  -- even for attempting coups -- that we're headed in the wrong direction as a country. And sure, if you're one of those libtarded cucks who thinks self-governance...
Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
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MAGA News

Doctors Marvel at Discovery of Vertebrate Republican

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the weekend, scientists and medical professionals were stunned, shocked, but...
MAGA News

Trump Reminds Amash of Their Oath to Uphold and Defend the Republican Party

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the weekend, Republican Congressman Rep. Justin Amash of Michigan became...
Women's Rights

Alabama GOP Releases Pamphlet: 10 Things We’ll Still Let You Do With Your Vagina

FORT ENFANT MARIÉE, ALABAMA --  The Republican caucus within Alabama's state legislature, perhaps under...
Women's Rights

Missouri Orphan Waiting for Sugar Daddy to Knock Up and Adopt Her

ENCEST POINT, MISSOURI -- 15-year-old Kelly Meyers thought when she first arrived at Stonewall...
Women's Rights

Expectant Alabama Mother Will Go Back and Finish Middle School Once Her Kids Are Out of the House

NOVIA NIÑA CREEK, ALABAMA -- Life isn't always easy for Crystal Shanahan these days,...
Women's Rights

Expectant Alabama Mother Will Go Back and Finish Middle School Once Her Kids Are Out of the House

NOVIA NIÑA CREEK, ALABAMA -- Life isn't always easy for Crystal Shanahan these days,...
Women's Rights

Georgia Man Picks Out Burial Plot for Old Gym Sock

ENFANT MARIÉE PEAK, GEORGIA -- Skeeter McCoy was spotted at the Eternal Gardens mortuary,...
Women's Rights

Ohio Sets Up Tampon Cemetery for Grieving Almost Mothers

AHOLE RIVER COUNTY, OHIO -- The State of Ohio has contracted with a city's...
Women's Rights

Alabama GOP Releases Pamphlet: 10 Things We’ll Still Let You Do With Your Vagina

FORT ENFANT MARIÉE, ALABAMA --  The Republican caucus within Alabama's state legislature, perhaps under...
Women's Rights

Fully Aroused Mike Pence Just Staring at Maps of Alabama, Georgia, Ohio, and Missouri

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice President Mike Pence has spent the last 36 solid hours...
The Bible Belt

Tennessee Considering Law Banning Abortion if Mother’s Mother Was Ever Pregnant

FORT CHINGAR PRIMA, TENNESSEE -- The Tennessee state legislature has joined Georgia, Ohio, Missouri,...
Women's Rights

Alabama Democrat Proposes Mandatory Vasectomies Until Marriage

RÉCIPROQUE BAY, ALABAMA -- A Democrat in the State of Alabama has drafted new...
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Criminal Justice

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...
Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)