James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I think a woman is programmed by God himself to be my willing sex and food preparation slave." If there's one thing we all know about abortion bans, it's that they keep...

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity from prosecution  -- even for attempting coups -- that we're headed in the wrong direction as a country. And sure, if you're one of those libtarded cucks who thinks self-governance...
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Porn Site Reveals “Daddy/Daughter” As Most Searched Term In Trump States

If you're a Trump supporter, chances are you like a familiar brand of porn...literally.

President Trump’s Itinerary Ruined as He Struggles for Hours to Thread a Needle

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Alleged billionaire reality-TV star, failed steak salesman, and somehow President of...

Trump Says His ‘Guys’ Will Find Ark of The Covenant and Holy Grail Within First 100 Days if Re-Elected

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald J. Trump has ordered that his administration mount an...

Trump Misses Blaming Farts on Sarah Huckabee Sanders

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While taking a stroll on the grounds of the White House...

Local Woman Anxious For Hatred Among Fellow Americans To Return To Pre-Trump Levels

LAKE GILMOUR, FLORIDA -- Scholars and historians seem to agree, the 2016 presidential election...

Trump Promises to Drop Out if Michelle Obama Enters 2020 Race

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump told reporters today that if former First Lady...

President Trump Asks All Intelligence Briefings Include Small Words And Big Pictures

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump administration has submitted an official request to Congress, asking...

White House Engineers Will Downsize the Trump’s Big Red Button

Sister publication The Pastiche Post has reported this week that a major change is...

Trump Asks White House Engineers to Downsize the Big Red Button

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The government's top engineers are working hard to retrofit the button...

Lahren: “Mermaids Are White, Just Like Santa and Jesus!”

LA CULERA RUBIA ARRUGADA, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News contributing racist muppet Timothy Lahren railed...

Grand Wizard Unsure Whether to Disavow Klan’s Ties to ‘N****r Loving Socialist Democrats’ or Own the Libs With Them

QUECHINGAS VALLEY, ARKANSAS -- 56 year old Sam Kilpatrick is a descendent of Irish...

New Policy Dictates Babylon Bee Staff Crucify Themselves Daily in Front of Snopes Headquarters

The editors of The Babylon Bee -- a Christian Dominionist publication that uses alleged humor and...

Latest articles

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....