James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are pretty much the same thing. I mean, if they weren't, wouldn't all the conservatives who were...raising alarms about the lack of free speech on college campuses be freaking out about...

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I think a woman is programmed by God himself to be my willing sex and food preparation slave." If there's one thing we all know about abortion bans, it's that they keep...
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President’s Legal Team Delivers Blistering Defense of Wanting to F_ _ k Your Own Daughter

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, after 24-hours of presentations by the House managers in...

Trump Explains Yovanovitch Tape: He Meant “Take Her Out” for Hamberders and Covfefe

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has yet another potential scandal brewing involving former...

Republican Senator ‘Completely Bored to Death’ With Schiff’s Mountain of Irrefutable Evidence of Trump’s Guilt

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-Moscow) spent most of the third day of...

Hawley: “The Democrats Are Really Terrified We’re Going to Impeach Hunter Biden”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For Freshman Senator Josh Hawley's (R-MO), Rep. Adam Schiff and the...

Trump’s Aborted Fetuses to Speak at Pro-Choice Rally

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The aborted fetuses of President Donald J. Trump have announced they...

Cruz: “You Know What? My Wife is an Ugly She-Beast. My Dad Did Try to Kill JFK. Trump Is Totally Innocent.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's highly likely that no one on the Hill has been...

Senate GOP Agrees To Hold “Fair and Unbiased Adjudication” of Ice Cream the President Shits

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In beginning to lay out the House's case against President Donald...

Cruz: “Democrats Are Waging a Partisan Attack On Our Partisan Acquittal After our Partisan Trial”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Zodiac Cruz (R-Trump's Rectal Cavity) lashed out at Congressional Democrats...

Impeachment Trial Day 2 Summary: Lying Sacks of Shit Spend Day Lying to Protect a Lying Sack of Shit

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The second official day of the impeachment trial of President Lying...

Woman Unpopular Enough to Lose Winnable Election to Literal Garbage Says Sanders is Unpopular

SELF-UNAWARE FOREST, NEW YORK -- Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton won the 2016...

McConnell Opens Senate Impeachment Trial With Traditional Burning of the Constitution

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, the impeachment trial of President Donald John Trump began its...

Obama: “Holy Sh*t Michelle! How Did I Miss All Those Guns?!”

SECRET SHARIA BUNKER, SOMEWHERE IN KENYA -- Yesterday, Lord Blacky McVoldemort Hussein Obama turned...

Latest articles

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...