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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are pretty much the same thing. I mean, if they weren't, wouldn't all the conservatives who were...raising alarms about the lack of free speech on college campuses be freaking out about...
Women's Rights

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I think a woman is programmed by God himself to be my willing sex and food preparation slave." If there's one thing we all know about abortion bans, it's that they keep...
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MAGA News

Poll Indicates Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice

As the election draws closer, there's little doubt that President Donald Trump believes he's...
MAGA News

Twitter Will Start Slapping “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Warning on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time...
Economy

Robertson: “If Jesus Died For Your Sins, The Least You Can Do Is Die For Trump’s Economy!”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson hasn't done much to hide his support...
Lifestyle

Man and Weed Dealer Have Agreement Not to Discuss Politics

LOS BURRITOS MOJADOS, CALIFORNIA -- Every couple of weeks, 40 year old computer programmer...
Criminal Justice

Ghosts of Elijah Cummings and John Lewis Mistake Jar of Mayonnaise for Marco Rubio

THE GREAT BEYOND -- There was a brief but quite ironically hilarious case of...
MAGA News

DNC Announces First Presidential Debate Between Donald Trump and Chris Wallace

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee has announced the first presidential debate of...
MAGA News

White House Urges Americans to Perform Nightly Under-Bed Antifa Checks

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With so many challenges already facing Americans these days, the Donald...
Conservative Media

Hannity, Ingraham, Bongino, Hitler Support Feds’ Crackdown on Peaceful Portland Protesters

In a year already filled with drama and tumult, it seems that 2020 isn't...
U.S. Politics

Ginsburg: “Cancer Can’t Make Me Resign Until It Leaves The White House First”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In 2019, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underwent three weeks...
MAGA News

Trump Orders EPA Study On Effects Of Electrolytes On Plant Life

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump Administration ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to divert "as...
Tech

Facebook Introduces “Bullshit” Post Reaction

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Longtime users of billionaire Mark Zuckerberg's privacy profiteering and...
MAGA News

Trump Suggests Adult Film Industry Rename ATMs to “Doing a McEnany”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, it's still not quite clear how...
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Latest articles

Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...
Women's Rights

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...
Criminal Justice

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...
Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)