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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less a long-distance relationship with your cult leader's dick?" A lot of folks online have been noticing that elected congressional Republicans have been showing up to support Donald Trump while he's put...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that training at The New School might have paid off." Well, the stage seems to be set for at least a couple of debates between incumbent President Joe Biden and the man...
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MAGA News

Kayleigh McEnany’s Cross Bursts Into Flames

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There was a brief scare during White House Press Secretary Kayleigh...
Business

Mattel Releasing “Nazi Press Secretary Barbie”

EL SEGUNDO, CALIFORNIA -- Just in time for Christmas shopping, the makers of Barbie...
MAGA News

Trump Campaign Launches TikiTok Video App for White Nationalist Supporters

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Whether or not President Donald Trump has the legal authority to...
MAGA News

Trump: “I’ve Done More For the Blacks Than Any Other President Who Also Called Them The Blacks”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump and his team seem to believe, earnestly, that...
U.S. Politics

Biden Campaign Asks Jonathan Swan to Debate Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Joe Biden 2020 campaign has reportedly reached out to Axios...
MAGA News

Absolute Moron Makes Up Shit About Mail-In Voting

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A bloviating, mentally deteriorating, egomaniacal, white collar criminal -- who also...
Science & Medicine

CDC Releases Study Using Demonic Semen, Alien DNA, and Unicorn Blood to Treat COVID-19

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Centers for Disease Control published a highly-anticipated study on the...
MAGA News

Trump Asks Barr If Democrats Can Be Stripped of Their Citizenship

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Poll after poll is starting to paint a grim, dismal picture...
MAGA News

Tic Tac Cock Puts Off Banning App TikTok

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A man with a reportedly very small penis has decided that...
Science & Medicine

Fauci Reminds Jim Jordan to Wear a Mask and Socially Distance When Ignoring Sexual Abuse

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During one exchange between Dr. Anthony Fauci and Congressman Jim Jordan...
MAGA News

Trump: “All The Voices In My Head Agree With Me That The Election Will Be Rigged!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's one of the least well-kept secrets in D.C. -- President...
MAGA News

Devin Nunes Questions Founders’ Motives for Not Allowing Presidents to Delay Elections

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Can the President of the United States of America, with all...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)