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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less a long-distance relationship with your cult leader's dick?" A lot of folks online have been noticing that elected congressional Republicans have been showing up to support Donald Trump while he's put...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that training at The New School might have paid off." Well, the stage seems to be set for at least a couple of debates between incumbent President Joe Biden and the man...
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Arts & Entertainment

Lori Laughlin to Star in Limited 2 Month Series “Full Big House”

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- Actress Lori Laughlin will not only spending time in prison for...
Criminal Justice

Mexico Offers to Pay for Bannon and Kolfage’s Prosecution

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- When Donald Trump entered the 2016 presidential race, he did...
MAGA News

Trump Sends Navy to Atlantis to Investigate Evidence of Q-Anon

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has directed the Secretary of the Navy to...
MAGA News

In PA: President Trump Makes Concise, Organized, Intellectual Case for His Second Term

Editor's Note: Donald Trump did nothing like what the headline of this article implies....
MAGA News

Trump Wants Pledge Changed to “One Nation, Under Q”

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  It's long been wondered just how much of President Donald Trump's...
MAGA News

Hunter Biden to Read Steve Bannon’s Indictment During DNC 2020 Speech

The Democratic National Committee apparently has decided to end its 2020 national convention with...
MAGA News

Eric Trump Slashes All the Goodyear Tires on Daddy’s Presidential Limo

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Authorities at this hour are confirming that all four tires on...
MAGA News

Doctors Unsure Obama’s Foot Can Ever Be Removed From Trump’s Asshole

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Ever since former President Barack Obama spoke last night during the...
The Democrats

Will Joe Biden Replace the Army With AntiFa Mercenaries? This Man Thinks So.

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- There's a new rumor flying around certain corners of...
MAGA News

Retreating to Familiar Territory, Trump Demands Biden’s Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump, before he was elected to the highest office...
Women's Rights

Men’s Rights Activist Demands Wife Bake Cake to Celebrate Anniversary of Male Suffrage

DICKHEAD, NEW JERSEY -- Matty Palahmbo is a men's rights activist. In his mind,...
MAGA News

Melania Trump Already Hard at Work Practicing Michelle Obama’s DNC 2020 Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, former First Lady Michelle Obama closed out the first...
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)