Ashley’s Diary, Hunter’s Laptop, Obama’s Birth Certificate, and the Bible: All the Facts I Need

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The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and Trump 2024 surrogate Dustin Pewpsin. The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not necessarily those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff and management.

“They’ll then wag their finger and say I’m just parroting Russian talking points, just because I’m literally repeating propaganda given to Rudy Giuliani by Russian operatives.”

Cards on the table time, Libs: I think you all live in a delusional fantasy world, completely devoid of facts, and I have four examples of this delusion locked and loaded for you. It’s completely unavoidable truth-ish fact – Liberalism is a mental disorder, and its main symptom is you snowflakes not being able to process real, cold, hard reality.

Reality such as Ashley Biden’s diary containing sexually explicit content about when her father, President “Sleepy But Also Alert Enough to Diddle” Joe Biden. The Libturds on the Left will howl that the shower allegations have never been backed by any actual proof. They’ll snidely and condescendingly point out that while the person who stole the diary was arrested and sentenced for stealing a real diary, anything could have been altered or made-up about its contents. They’ll even point out, the cucks they are, that Ashley herself has said that her diary’s contents are being wildly misrepresented.

To that, of course, I would simply rebut: NUH. UH.

Next, there’s Ashley’s brother’s laptop. Or, as our Dear Leader calls it, “The Hard Drive From Hell.” And you know what, Don’s relationship with many of the residents of Hell give me confidence that he’s right about that moniker, by the way. Nobody on the Left seems willing to admit that Hunter’s laptop’s hard drive contained not only direct, irrefutable proof that Hunter and his father Joe literally and personally corrupted the government of Ukraine, but that they did it to cover up Killary’s involvement in Benghazi. Also, that Hillary was in the closet with Bin-Laden (he’s really alive, duh), making babies, and that one of the babies looked at Hunter.

IT’S ALL RIGHT THERE, WOKIES!

Of course, those same smug libs will point out the chain of custody on the hard drive is so suspicious nobody with any sense can trust what’s reported about it. They’ll say even James Comer and Jim Jordan haven’t presented any evidence from the hard drive that proves Joe Biden committed any crimes. They’ll then wag their finger and say I’m just parroting Russian talking points, just because I’m literally repeating propaganda given to Rudy Giuliani by Russian operatives.

And once more I have an easy, ready to use rebuttal locked and MF loaded, fam: PFFT.

It’s probably shocking to a lot of my fellow good, clean, ammo hoarding, red meat eating, gender psychology denying, Christ loving, melanin-free Christian patriots how evil and detached from reality you liberals really are. But I’m not surprised at all. You guys couldn’t ever handle that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, no matter how many grainy, blurry, MS Paint screenshots of his real birth certificate we forwarded you!

And don’t even get me started on how you liberals trash the most literally factual book in all of history. You love to point out the Holy Christian American King Trump Version Bible’s “glaring historical inaccuracies, gaps, distortions, and fabrications.” You love to talk shit about how bushes can’t talk — on fire or not — and neither can serpents…and virgins can’t have babies. You just can’t stop poking holes in the scriptures, can you?

Well, guess what? I’ve got one more retort for you, and it’s a real friggin’ doozy, so buckle up: SHUT UP.

Every Former President Ranked from Least to Most Felony Convictions

 

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