Appeals Court: If Ted Cruz is Fertile, the Abortion Pill Should Be Legal

Published on

Last week, a federal judge invalidated the FDA’s approval of mifepristone, a so-called “abortion pill.” Though it has been on the market for years, and is considered by the medical community to be a safe drug, the judge in question — a conservative, Trump-appointed judge — was able to put mifepristone’s legal status in peril.

A three judge panel on an appeals court, however, has at least temporarily halted the judge’s order. In a blistering opinion, the judges ruled unanimously that in a world where Ted Cruz can make babies, it is vital that women be allowed to abort their pregnancies. A short selection from the judge’s opinion follows.

RELATED: Ted Cruz Wants to Know Whether He Can Identify as a Man If He Gets His Balls Back From Trump

“It’s beyond comical that one judge would think he has the power to stop a federal agency tasked with making decisions about which drugs to approve for all Americans, but this ruling is also quite terrifying. Imagining a world where Ted Cruz is still fertile, and capable of spawning with any burning cross draped in a confederate flag that he so chooses, but where women were not able to abort those pregnancies is a nightmarish dystopia that we cannot sigh-off on. We’d suggest that the ban on mifepristone could stay if Mr. Cruz agreed to be castrated, but Mrs. Heidi Cruz — the one former President Trump identified as ugly — has confirmed Ted already hasn’t had balls since he gave them to Trump in 2016, so we’re at a bit of an impasse here, and must invalidate the order.”

RELATED: Ted Cruz Insists He Can Gargle Tucker and Trump’s Fruit Baskets Simultaneously


That’s a fair point, if you think about it. prochoice #roevwade #satire #abortion #politics #politik #tedcruz

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

Follow James: PostTikTokTwitterInstagramFacebook

Latest articles

I Asked a Klansman If He’s Voting For Biden Since They’re Both Democrats. He Punched Me.

"Man, it's really true what they say about Democrats. They're snowflakes." We all know a...

For Conservatives, Fart Naps Are Quickly Replacing Power Naps

"While some might casually observe the irony in someone who belittles his opponent as...

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...