Appeals Court: If Ted Cruz is Fertile, the Abortion Pill Should Be Legal

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Last week, a federal judge invalidated the FDA’s approval of mifepristone, a so-called “abortion pill.” Though it has been on the market for years, and is considered by the medical community to be a safe drug, the judge in question — a conservative, Trump-appointed judge — was able to put mifepristone’s legal status in peril.

A three judge panel on an appeals court, however, has at least temporarily halted the judge’s order. In a blistering opinion, the judges ruled unanimously that in a world where Ted Cruz can make babies, it is vital that women be allowed to abort their pregnancies. A short selection from the judge’s opinion follows.

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“It’s beyond comical that one judge would think he has the power to stop a federal agency tasked with making decisions about which drugs to approve for all Americans, but this ruling is also quite terrifying. Imagining a world where Ted Cruz is still fertile, and capable of spawning with any burning cross draped in a confederate flag that he so chooses, but where women were not able to abort those pregnancies is a nightmarish dystopia that we cannot sigh-off on. We’d suggest that the ban on mifepristone could stay if Mr. Cruz agreed to be castrated, but Mrs. Heidi Cruz — the one former President Trump identified as ugly — has confirmed Ted already hasn’t had balls since he gave them to Trump in 2016, so we’re at a bit of an impasse here, and must invalidate the order.”

RELATED: Ted Cruz Insists He Can Gargle Tucker and Trump’s Fruit Baskets Simultaneously

@jamboschlarmbo

That’s a fair point, if you think about it. prochoice #roevwade #satire #abortion #politics #politik #tedcruz

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann


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