In need of $60k? Do you live in a fantasy world, but not necessarily one created by Fox News? Then, if you have the information she needs, Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) is willing to pony up for it.
Down in Munchkin Land, shockwaves were sent through its denizens when someone dropped a house on Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s sister. To say the Georgia born equine-American is hoof-stompingly mad about it would be quite the understatement. According to a report filed by KPBC News, Greene is offering a financial reward to anybody who has information leading to the arrest of her sister’s assailant.
Authorities in the Land of Oz are reporting that at approximately 10:30 AM last Friday, a house was dropped on Greene’s sister. Shortly thereafter, she filed a report not only about the house dropping incident, but about her sister’s ruby red MAGA hat being stolen as well. Complicating matters, police say, is the fact that once the house fell on Greene’s sister, her corpse withered and shrunk away, leaving not much evidence to go on.
“It was a very gruesome thing to be seen,” Munchkin Land Police Chief Whizzlebee Gelatin told us. “I can understand why the mean ol’ witch would be so triggered by what she saw. That house left her sister in a terrible mess!”
While investigating the scene, Greene was noticed carefully avoiding water. While some have speculated, due to her overall appearance and odor, that she avoids water so as not to get clean, others wonder if there could, possibly, be another explanation. Regardless of her feelings about water and soap, though, Greene told those nearby that she would “get that Kamala, and her little Tim, too,” indicating that she believes she may know who was behind the house dropping.
“Marjorie often thinks she knows things she doesn’t really actually know, though,” one source told us, “so the chances of her being right about who dropped the house on her sister are slim to none, really.”
It’s unclear whether Greene will pay the reward in rubles, dollars, or Secret Jewish Space Laser Bucks.
This story was first reported on Into the Garbage Chute.
