Things once more got extremely heated today when Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) questioned Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson during her confirmation hearing in the Senate Judiciary Committee. This time, Cruz was insistent that Judge Jackson “simply must be in cahoots” with billionaire George Soros, and that the two of them conspired to create Critical Race Theory, which he then implied is “all related to” the Benghazi attacks of 2012.
“Judge, you’ve been a real good sport this whole time. You’ve taken a lot of questions from a lot of people who could never do your job, but now I’d like to ask you a very simple, straightforward question, and if you don’t answer it, I think we’ll all know you to be a Satan-worshiping succubus, quite literally,” Cruz began, pulling a booger from his nose and snacking on it before he continued.
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“So I’m going to ask you this question. Please answer it directly and succinctly as a question of this magnitude and import deserves Why did you help George Soros create Critical Race Theory? And as a follow-up, please tell me if the attacks on Benghazi are in any way, shape, or form involved in all this.”
Judge Jackson simply looked at Cruz with a puzzled expression. Cruz pushed forward.
“I see you don’t want to answer my question. Why is that? Is it only because it’s not based in a reality anyone on Planet Earth would recognize, or is it because you’re covering up the nefariousness of your scheme,” Cruz demanded. “I take your silence and quizzical look as complete confirmation of this theory of mine.”
Just then, someone accidentally played an old video of Donald Trump calling Cruz’s wife, Heidi, ugly. Instinctively, Cruz dropped to his knees, licked his lips, and then puckered them. Cruz stayed there on his knees for several uncomfortable moments until he realized what had happened, stood up, and wiped the drool from his mouth.
“I’ll take your answers in writing. I see my time has expired, and I yield back,” Cruz said.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.
