WASHINGTON, D.C. — On December 12th, 2017, Alabamans will head to the polls and be faced with a choice to replace Attorney General Jeff Sessions in the United States Senate. On the one hand is a man who has been accused by several women of sexually preying on them when he was an adult and they were teenage girls. The other choice is a Democrat. While it’s unsure which way voters will swing in a couple of weeks, President Donald Trump has made it very clear who he is supporting — the alleged sexual predator.
This week, Trump gave Moore as much an endorsement one can give without specifically endorsing someone, pointing to the fact that Moore has denied the allegations as all Mr. Trump needs to exonerate the embattled judge. Though the relationship between the two men was strained when Trump endorsed Moore’s challenger in last month’s Republican primary for the seat, in recent days the two have rekindled due to a political expediency neither seems keen to deny now.
However, all this newfound chummy behavior might be in jeopardy after a moment of confusion and tension arose between Moore and Trump during an Oval Office Skype session.
“Mr. President, I just wanted to thank you personally for sticking by me after you tried to trash my campaign and backed Luther Strange,” Moore said at the outset of the Skype call. “Your loyalty is so very much appreciated, and I know that if I have the backing of lifelong, upstanding Christian, God fearing men like you, I can’t go wrong!”
Trump smiled.
“Yes, I agree. I am pretty great aren’t I,” Trump asked rhetorically.
Moore pressed on.
“Bigly great, sir. Bigly great,” Moore said. “And we both know how the liberal FAKE NEWS press just makes up stuff about us.”
Trump agreed.
“Yes, I agree. I am the best president ever,” Trump said.
Moore again pushed the conversation forward.
“I mean, sure, maybe I spent a decade or so of my life preying on teenage girls for sex,” Moore said. “But that doesn’t make me an untrustworthy guy. I mean, if you’re looking for someone to hit on 14 year old girls, I’d say I’m a pretty trustworthy person for that job, know what I mean, Mr. President?”
Trump smiled and nodded yet again.
“Mmm. Yes. I completely agree. I won in a landslide and everyone loves me,” Trump told Moore.
Judge Moore kept talking.
“And I mean, you trust me, Mr. President,” Moore said matter of factly, “You trust me so much, you’d have no problem with me being in a room alone with your daughter, right, Mr. President?”
Trump suddenly started paying actual attention to the conversation.
“Wait. Which daughter,” Trump asked, “Ivanka, or Not Ivanka?”
Moore laughed, nervously.
“Ivanka, sir,” Moore said, “I know how you like to pretend Not Ivanka doesn’t even exist, so I follow your lead as commander in chief, sir. So do you trust me with Ivanka, alone, in a room with her, sir?”
Trump rubbed his chins thoughtfully. He made a clicking noise with his tongue, deep in thought.
“That all depends Roy. Before or after she turned eighteen,” Trump asked.
Suddenly, Judge Moore started having connection issues.
“I…I can’t hear you, Mr. President. I think my connection is going wonky,” Moore said, despite the picture and audio looking clear on Trump’s end. “I…uh…shshchasdhcchchc…I should…asdfslkdjfhaslkdjhf….go sir.”
Judge Moore was making crackling noises with his mouth.
“Okay, nice talking to you, Roy,” Trump said as the call ended.
More satire:
Roy Moore Rejects Trump’s Endorsement Over Inappropriate Sexual Comments About His Adult Daughter
