SAN DIMAS, CALIFORNIA — Rock and roll icons Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan announced at a press conference for their band’s upcoming sixteenth studio album that they’d be taking some time before their next tour supporting it to “do something most triumphant for the country.”
“Alright, so, check it out media dudes and dudettes,” Preston opened the presser, “Ted and I are really excited about our upcoming tour supporting our new album, and we think you’ll find it most non-non-non heinous. But after talking it over, we decided it was time to go on another one of our most excellent adventures through time.”
Logan and Preston looked at each other and made “air guitar” moves with their hands. From out of nowhere, a blistering, 1980’s style solo could be heard. Why it was only one guitar heard when both of them were playing is still unknown.
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“That’s right Bill! We’re going to go back in time to 2009,” Logan said, “and we’re going to totally convince Donald Trump to send a tweet predicting that Obama is such a bad president he’ll resign within a year.”
Esquire told the media that their wives, the most excellent princesses they met on their first jaunt through the space time continuum, told them the other night that Trump’s twitter has an uncanny knack for coming back to embarrass the president.
“It’s like he tweeted from the future or something,” Preston explained, “Like he went back in time to set stuff up like we do, but he screwed it all up like the moron he is, and just ended up tweeting ironic predictions about what would happen during his own presidency.”
Bill and Ted mentioned that Trump would knock Obama for golfing, like in the tweet below, but that he’s already gone to a golf course he owns more than fifty times since being sworn into office back in January. The pair said they frequently check a website, TrumpGolfCount.com, that is dedicated to logging each time the president visits a golf course he happens to own. Both men say it’s “truly non-non-non-non-non heinous” of Trump to be so hypocritical.
While our wonderful president was out playing golf all day, the TSA is falling apart, just like our government! Airports a total disaster!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 21, 2016
“And that fat orange bastard just got back from a seventeen day vacation and is already out there doing campaign rallies three years before the next election cycle starts,” Logan exclaimed.
So, the men behind the world changing music of Wyld Stallyns decided it was time to call in a time traveling phone booth, go back in time, and see if they can’t convince Trump to tweet out the prediction of Obama’s early exit from the White House.
“We had to try to do something,” Preston said, “This Trump guy is a total buzzkill!”
Ted chimed in.
“And he’s a total dick, Bill,” Logan exclaimed again.
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“I know Ted! We’re totally gonna convince him to tweet his own resignation seven years before he’s president,” Preston agreed.
Again the two looked at each other, made air guitar motions, and the guitar solo was heard one more time.
Before they ended the press conference, Logan had one more thing to get off his chest.
“Oh, also, sorry for that weird FAGS! thing we used to do,” Ted said, “I don’t know WHAT we were thinking! That was so dumb and immature of us. We were definitely not being excellent to each other on that one.”
This story is developing.
