MOSCOW, RUSSIA — Today, Russian President Vladimir Putin sent an Edible Arrangement and card of congratulations to the White House in Washington, celebrating the repeal of Obamacare in the House of Representatives.
“We would like to extend a big thank you and congratulations to our American Bureau,” the card reads, “on this very momentous day. Taking away health care from millions of Americans couldn’t possibly please President Vladimir Putin more.”
The card accompanying the Edible Arrangement indicated that repealing Obamacare was a top priority for President Putin and that he is “happy and excited his big, fat, orange, American lapdog got the job done.”
Below are the entire contents of the card.
To Our Most Excellent American Bureau,
We would like to extend a big thank you and congratulations to our American Bureau on this very momentous day. Taking away health care from millions of Americans couldn’t possibly please President Vladimir Putin more .We believe Sub-President Donald Trump would call this a “bigly” achievement in our House of Representatives yesterday, and you are to be honored for this achievement in Comrade Putin’s name.
As you know, taking away your Yankee American healthcare law was a top priority for President Putin, and he has personally expressed how he is now happy and excited his big, fat, orange American lapdog got the job done. He is very much so looking forward to giving our American Bureau more tasks, after seeing how well you can handle yourselves.
As a token of President Putin’s appreciation, you will each be given a special parking space for the next six times you visit the mother land. Also, please enjoy this Edible Arrangement. We know this is a Republican Russian proxy government, so we made sure to includes lots and lots of pork gravy to dip your fruit in.
Also, please let Mr. Trump know his “special leaky girlfriend” will be ready and waiting for him, whenever he next visits. Thank you again for harming the American people. We couldn’t have done it better ourselves.
xoxo,
The Government of Russia
P.S. Thanks for lifting those sanctions on us!
P.P.S. We didn’t have anything else to say, we just wanted to include some Russian PP for your Mr. Trump. We know how much he loves it, DON’T WE?!
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