Yearly Archives: 2021

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Totally Bulls*it News

Biden Informs January 6th Insurrectionist He Can Pardon Turkeys, Not Lemmings

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Stretching back several decades, the sitting U.S. President...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Are Humans Capable of Chanting “Let’s Go Brandon!” Without Having a Lobotomy?

In certain parts of the Bible Belt and throughout Red America,...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Sinema Worries Her Party Might Try to Pass Its Agenda in Response to Youngkin Victory

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A distraught Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D?-AZ) told reporters...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Manchin: “If Rubbing Coal on My Balls Isn’t Doing Enough for Climate Change, That’s On You”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After a defeat for his party in Virginia,...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Super Brave, Heavily Armed Patriot Too Cowardly to Shout ‘Fuck Joe Biden!’ at NASCAR Race

BEDFORD FOREST, MICHIGAN -- He estimates that he has roughly six...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Poll: Majority Support Spending $6 Billion to Yeet Elon Musk to Pluto

Billionaire Elon Musk -- who reportedly is on track to become...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Meta Nazis Have Already Meta Infested Facebook’s Newly Rebranded “Meta”

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Last week, Facebook announced that it...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Brandon Can’t Go, Because He Got COVID, Took Horse Dewormer for It, and Died

In what could be devastating news for millions of Confederate Americans,...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Man Apologizes for Losing Track of His Dick Long Enough for It to Become Fox News Host

BALLCRUST VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- It's a time in his life Jack...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Golden Corral Taps Tucker Carlson to Promote “Patriot Binge and Purge” Loyalty Program

This week, Fox News will begin airing a docuseries produced by...
James Schlarmann -
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