Yearly Archives: 2020

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Totally Bulls*it News

Disneyland Having All Its Caribbean Pirates Tested for Coronavirus

ANASLIME, CALIFORNIA -- The Walt Disney Company announced this week that...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Quarantined Cruise Passenger: Ship Talent Show ‘Far Worse’ Than Coronavirus Outbreak

ST. FRANK, CALIFORNIA -- When she boarded the Queen's Line cruise...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Update: There Are Still LEGO On The Goddamned Floor

EL PIESANGRIENTO, CALIFORNIA -- Sources are confirming at the time of...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Federal Reserve Funds $1.5 Trillion in Universal Bank Care

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In bold, decisive action this week, the Federal...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Married Couple Might Get to Fuck Again Some Day

SAN GUILLERMO, CALIFORNIA -- Neither one of them are to blame,...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Accuses ‘Mr. Dow Jones’ of Being a Never Trumper

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump lashed out angrily at "Mr....
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

White House Wants Bill Outlawing Abortion After Point Of Erection

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  At a prayer breakfast in the nation's capital...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Coronavirus Nominated for Best Virus In a Best Actor in a Lead Role

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- The novel coronavirus woke up to perhaps the...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Asks Joint Chiefs If U.S. Can ‘Nuke Coronavirus Like a Hurricane’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Projecting an air of confidence and competence has...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Petition to Put Harvey Weinstein In Epstein’s Prison Cell Reaches Six Million Signatures

NEW YORK -- This week, a petition to put disgraced Hollywood...
James Schlarmann -
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