Yearly Archives: 2020

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Totally Bulls*it News

Historians Unearth Draft of Famous Patrick Henry ‘Give Me Retail Shopping and Give Me Death’ Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Researchers at the National Academy of History and...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Donald Trump Jr: “Americans Need to Go Back to Pretending to Work Like Me”

"My daddy always said if I can do something, literally any fucking moron in the world can do it, too."
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Local Idiots Demand Right to Die for Retail Commerce

DUMBERG, OHIO -- The village idiots of a town in Ohio...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Says Americans Without Toilet Paper Can Wipe With the Constitution Like He Does

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As his administration grapples with how to best...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Treasury Orders Trump’s Mushroom Stamp on Coronavirus Stimulus Checks

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Treasury Department issued an order late...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Florida Deems Rub-n-Tug Massage Parlors ‘Essential Businesses’

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA -- This week, the State of Florida labeled professional...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Demands Obama’s Long Form Biden Endorsement

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, former President Barack Obama endorsed the presidential...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

McConnell Says Trump’s Dick Tastes Like ‘Total Authority’ to Him

COAL BONER, KENTUCKY -- President Donald Trump suggested during a recent...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

White Claw Reveals Its 7 Least Popular Flavors

Adult beverage maker White Claw has become quite popular over the...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Assures Governors He Stands Ready to Take Credit for Their Hard Work Battling Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On a call with the nation's fifty governors,...
James Schlarmann -
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