Yearly Archives: 2019

Study Shows Being Female Still #1 Risk Factor Associated With Seeing Dicks You Didn’t Ask to See

SCHVANTZ LAKE, MINNESOTA -- A research study conducted by the University...

Scientists Can Finally Prove Which Trump Can Outsmart a Bag of Hammers

After years of speculation and wonder, scientists at a leading research...

God Says He’s Getting a Lot of Prayers About Mitch McConnell Having a Stroke

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- The CEO of Holy Trinity Inc.,...

New York Offers to Rename Public Toilet After Trump

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Perhaps in an attempt to quell...

Trump Pardons Booth

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In 2018, former reality-TV star Donald Trump issuing...

President Promises TrumpCare Will Cover ‘Non-Existing Conditions’

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  Though it's still more than a year and...

Trump 2020 Campaign Will Use Flaming T’s to Help His Base Find Their Polling Station

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- The reelection campaign  headquarters for President Donald Trump...

John Bolton and Lindsey Graham Hold Hands As They Daydream About Invading Greenland

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Photographers in the nation's capital captured an intimate,...

President Runs Out of Dipping Sauce and Declares ‘National McNugget McMergency’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are confirming that...