Why Haven’t We Seen Paul Manafort and Barack Obama in the Same Room Together?

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My fellow good, clean, Christian, ammo hoarding, gun toting, God fearing American Patriots, I must say that even as a dyed in the wool conservative Republican, I have grave doubts about the continued future of the Donald Trump presidential administration. It seems that despite all his claims to the contrary, at least a few people on his campaign staff, possibly as high up as his own son and son-in-law, did in fact collude or attempt to collude with the Kremlin during last year’s hotly contested election. As Special Counsel Robert Mueller lines up more and more of his ducks, it seems like the writing is on the wall, and that soon some very tough decisions will be need to be made from within the hallowed, sacred walls of the Oval Office.

…or maybe not.

Because as a good, clean, red-white-and-blue blooded American, I know that something stinks to high heaven about this Paul Manafort thing. Papadipdaplopamopoulous too. But I’m focusing my sights on Manafort. Why? I’ve studied thousands of hours of tape, that’s why. And I came to the stunning conclusion that it’s entirely possible Paul Manafort and former President Barack “The Black One” Obama are one in the same people.

It makes a lot of sense if you just forget what sense is, and go purely on your gut and heart.

Clearly Barack Obama spent years cultivating the Paul Manafort character much the same as singer Tony Clifton created the alter-ego of comedian Andy Kaufman for himself. This explains why the government was listening to Manafort’s conversations. Obama just probably signed a piece of paper as Manafort saying, “Dear America: Wiretap me. Signed, Paulie.” Or at least something like that. There is literally no other explanation for this messy affair.

In fact, thinking on this grave subject now, I think we’re standing at the nexus of several big story lines of the last twenty years or more years, and at the end of the road, Barack HUSSEIN Obama is always standing there, smiling that Kenyan Socialist smile of his. Think about it, Fam.

  • Donald Trump spends years telling people the undeniable truth about Obama’s birth certificate
  • Barack Obama gets desperate to shut down Trump
  • Barack Obama invents time travel, goes back in time, and creates the Paul Manafort character
  • The Death Star plans are transmitted from Scarif to Princess Leia above the planet on the Tantive IV
  • Barack Obama profits, America sinks, In God We Trust is taken off our coins

All of this explains why Obama was so keen to obliterate the “Birther” stories. He knew that if people kept digging, not only would they find out he was born on Mars, not even in Kenya, but that he is a time traveling cyborg America hater, and that he invented Paul Manafort in an effort to hobble the greatest, most intelligent, most compassionate, most benevolent king this country has ever elected!

The question now becomes, what will the Trump administration do about this bombshell revelation I just made up out of whole cloth? Will it take me getting it parroted by Sean Hannity and/or Rush Limbaugh for them to take it seriously, or can only Fox & Friends bend the ear of our Dear Presidential Emperor?

Time will tell.

Some more satire:

Huckabee Sanders: Mueller Arresting Manafort a Distraction From Trump Administration Distracting Americans From Mueller Investigation

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