Trump Claims It Was Obama Who Farted on All The Brand New Couches in the White House

Published on

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In recent days, President Donald Trump has renewed his attacks on his predecessor.

Mr. Trump’s political career began specifically in response to the presidency of Barack Obama. For many years, Trump was the loudest, most devoted voice in the Birther movement, which meant nearly a decade of publicly harassing Obama about his birth certificate. Trump’s twitter account before becoming president was full of angry, sarcastic, and insulting tweets about Obama. During his 2016 presidential campaign, a large part of Trump’s platform was promising Republican voters he’d help dismantle the Obama era from behind the Resolute Desk.

Trump has repeatedly accused the Obama administration of illegally “spying” on his campaign. While that issue is being investigated by his personal attorney William Barr at the Department of Justice, the collective assessment of the world’s intelligence community is that Russia hacked the last election in an effort to help Trump win. This was also confirmed yet again by former FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller in his congressional testimony. This week, Trump added a curious new accusation to the mix, accusing Obama of ruining the air conditioning in the White House by installing a new system that doesn’t work well.

This morning, while taking a stroll around the White House grounds, Trump was spotted by reporters, and he offered a new attack on Obama.

“I just came out here to get some fresh air and do some light walking, you know, as all we Olympiad-quality, world class athletes do,” Trump said, stretching and yawning, “and besides, it smells like farts so badly in there right now.”

Undaunted by the reporters’ disgusted looks on their faces, Trump continued to talk about the farty smell in the White House.

“Every single couch smells like farts. Not just any farts. Putrid, disgusting, three day old roasted broccoli left out in the hot sun kinda farts,” Trump explained, “and it’s all because of Obama. He was the one farting in them, I know it. I don’t care how many times my aides and my kids tell me we bought all new couches when we moved into the White House because I refused to sit on the same couch an urban did! I know what I feel in my heart is true, and that’s that Obama farted up my couches!”

Mr. Trump insists the farts he’s smelling in the couches have to be coming from Obama.

“Sure, they smell like Borscht, obstruction of justice and daughter lust, but that doesn’t mean a damn thing, and you all know it,” Trump shouted at the press who was still trying to run as quickly away from him as possible.

Reached for comment, former President Obama denied farting up the couches in the White House.

“No, I didn’t fart on Don’s couches,” Obama told reporters with a wan smile, “but I did put a Sharia voodoo hex on them, so he should still probably be careful. WATCH OUT, DON! OOGA FUCKIN’ BOOGA!”

Another Story: This Weeping Man Will Pummel Your Snowflake Ass If You Make Fun Of His Dear Sweet President Again!

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

Latest articles

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

" wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...