Trump Mistress Feels Left Out Because He Didn’t Compare Her To His Daughter When They Were About To Fuck

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One of President Donald Trump’s mistresses has released a statement saying she is “shocked and appalled in retrospect” at how Mr. Trump treated her during the time of their “brief but torrid and tangerine tinted and tainted” affair.

“It has come to my attention that Donald compared Stormy Daniels to his daughter Ivanka, and that he also did so with Karen McDougal, and I just have to say I am sickened to my core,” Loretta Smith told us. “Because he didn’t compare me to his daughter even a single time when we were fucking back in the day.”

Smith, whose real name we are withholding while she determines if she should file similar lawsuits to those of Daniels and McDougal to able to speak more freely and candidly about her affair with then Citizen Trump, says that when she realized that she never got compared to the president’s eldest daughter, she had been “shortchanged and robbed of a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“It’s not every day you get to be a party to the inappropriate sexualizing of a woman who is the daughter of a man who will one day become president,” Smith told us. “I just feel like Donald shortchanged and robbed of a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

Though she isn’t shy about discussing her tryst with Trump, she also doesn’t wear it like a badge of honor. Unlike Monica Lewnisky with Bill Clinton, and allegedly Stormy Daniels with Trump, Smith says she kept absolutely no clothing from the night of her sexual encounter with Trump.

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“Are you kidding me? I was in no way looking to memorialize that night, and he was just some schmuck D-List reality-TV attention whore back then anyway,” Loretta said. “Besides, even if he was the president, I would do the same thing I did with my dress and everything else that came into contact with him that night. I’d burn it all.”

Loretta told us she has no intention of causing any troubles for the president. If she decides to sue to break the non-disclosure agreement she made with him, it would only be to “make sure the record is clear and accurate.” She would not do so out of spite for not being treated the same way Trump treated his other mistresses.

“Honestly it’s a good thing to me that he didn’t say I was like Ivanka,” Smith said. “That would have made my pussy dry up before he could grab me by it.”

The White House did not comment on this story.

James‘ satire can also be read on Alternative Facts, The Pastiche Post, and Alternative Science.

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